Let me recount what actually happened on the night of 18th September 2017.
That night, I went home after facial. Then, I did some mind singing for Ariana Grande’s concert in Taipei the next day before taking my shower. After shower, I waited for my hair to dry a little before brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed. Everything seemed rather normal.
It was already past 12am. I went to my bedroom and it was dark; my mum already switched off the lights to get ready for sleep (I share the same room with my mum and sis). I asked my mum, “Should I do my tummy massage (using the massage machine) first?” She replied, “No need lah, so late already. Just go to sleep.” I was like, “Oh okay lor…” And I just hopped onto my bed when a voice said “Wah, you’re so obedient today!” I thought it was a sign that Taenggu was welcoming me to sleep so I didn’t suspect anything else and sent a good night message to her as usual before going to sleep.
The last time I checked my phone, I didn’t have any other notifications except for some whatsapp messages in my siblings group chat. I closed my eyes. That night was a little unusual. While I was still conscious, I had some visions of different people related to Taenggu whom I might not usually see often.
The following are some people I remembered appearing in my mind that night, in no particular order:
- Yeri from Red Velvet
- Key from SHINee (though I’m not sure if I remembered correctly that it was him)
- Taenggu’s mother (When I saw her, in my heart I was like, oh! is that Taenggu omma?? and upon recognising her, her image quickly changed into a series of different monster-like images. I thought to myself, “Maybe it was a sign that she didn’t want me to recognise her, or she was angry over something.”
- Sooyoung (she looked like she was looking at her phone)
Do note that I was seeing these visions without hearing any sounds/voices coming from them. You could say it was like a silent movie, heh.
Eventually, I fell asleep.
Around 3am, I was jolted awake by a dream of getting thrown out of the window by an invisible force. “Ahh!” I gasped softly with my eyes opened. In my mind, I saw a female ghost coming over to check on me (I guessed she heard me) and then went away after knowing I was fine.
I checked my phone. It was still an unearthly hour. I only saw a couple of crappy email notifications which I didn’t even bother to open to read. I didn’t know why I didn’t think of opening my instagram app to browse through. I just wanted to get back to sleep.
But I found it hard to get back to sleep. Voices started talking and my mind started to get active. For some reasons, I wasn’t feeling happy inside. My mind started to list out all good and bad things about Taenggu and all the past grudges I had with her. I actually didn’t want to bring it all up again, but I couldn’t stop my mind; all I wanted was to stop thinking and have a peaceful sleep. Somehow, about an hour later, I managed to force myself back to sleep.
About 8 plus close to 9am, I was awakened by my alarm clock. Out of habit, I opened my instagram and that was when I began to realise what happened. Taenggu had posted another series of her own travelogue videos for what she fondly calls it as Taenggu TV on her instagram.
I took a look at the timestamp. The videos were actually posted on the night before, either before I went to sleep or even shower. I finally realised the meaning of the visions I had the night before when I went to sleep. Not only Taenggu, I was even “contacted” by her friends and family to get me to watch her videos. But it was strange that I didn’t receive any instagram notification about her new post so I wasn’t actually aware of it.
I understand how important these videos actually are and that I have to be the one watching it first. I have a feeling that Taenggu has actually started this Taenggu TV because of me, most probably of her own accord. I believe she actually compiled and edited all these videos all by herself! And I could see how much effort she actually put in to make these happen. Especially after seeing her first one in Fukuoka (related post: LOVE SIGN FROM TAENGGU: HER PRIVATE TRIP TO FUKUOKA), I expressed high interest because I could find some connections with her because of the similar places she went in the video. And I was hoping to see more of these videos from her so that I could get a glimpse into her private travelling life.
Ever since her Fukuoka one, she had since released 3 other travelogue videos, all taken during her Europe trip early last month. But I was not as intuitively informed to watch them promptly now as compared to the Fukuoka one, except for the most recent one where I got some hints from the intro music playing in my head and I was connected to the song she used (read post: LYRICS: DON’T LET ME DOWN + WHY I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP ON MIND SINGING).
Was “I” somehow trying to avoid watching them? The following may be the reasons why:
- The physical me wasn’t really well-informed about her Europe trip. I just happened to find out about it from a tweet by a fan who bumped into her in Milan. Around the same time, I was going to embark on my short trip to Bintan with my friend which was already planned a month ago. So I wasn’t expecting that the both of us would be travelling at the same time but to different places. I wasn’t prepared to handle this situation too.
- On my first day in Bintan, I was already worried about how I could split myself up to accompany her and make sure she was well taken care of in Europe while I was still physically in Bintan. I only remembered telling myself (or the spiritual me) to take care of Taenggu and make sure she was safe in Europe and there was nothing more I could do. The voices I heard also didn’t reveal anything about how she was doing on the trip either.
- Some of the travel photos which she would post every night during that time looked kinda gloomy and sad. So I thought “I” wasn’t really there for her so she felt lonely, which in turn made me feel like I failed in my duty.
- At that time, I was down with sore throat, flu and indigestion, so I didn’t enjoy my stay in Bintan either. I guess when I wasn’t feeling well physically, it became more difficult for me to connect with my spiritual self.
Read TRAVELLING WITH TAENGGU IN PARALLEL REALITIES to find out what happened during my Bintan trip.
With all the above preconceived notions in my mind that my Spirit wasn’t there with her during her trip, when I watched all her Europe travelogue videos which she later revealed, I couldn’t help feeling depressed. I didn’t have any physical memory recollection of whatever took place in her videos. I couldn’t remember anything. I didn’t feel connected. I felt like I wasn’t involved at all; maybe I wasn’t supposed to since I wasn’t invited. Especially for this 18/9 episode, I had to watch it many times, over and over again, to see if I could remember anything. But the only conclusion I had was, she looked really lonely to me.
I guess it was an immense regret I felt in my heart that I wasn’t able to be there for her by her side while she was travelling in Europe. So I naturally didn’t feel good watching her videos after that too.
There was one significant detail I didn’t include in TRAVELLING WITH TAENGGU IN PARALLEL REALITIES. In that post, I mentioned that I felt I was well taken care of at home when I returned from Bintan. That night after I published the post, I was awakened in the middle of the night to see a new instagram update from Taenggu signalling that she was already on the way back home. I spent some time talking to her. I hugged her (my Bobo) and I could hear her saying, “Promise me something… Take care of me…” Sheepishly, I said “Okay” and then in between my consciousness, I could see visions of her gaining appetite and eating well when she reached home, just like what happened to me when I came home from Bintan.
I guess my Spirit was only with her when she was back in Seoul. 🙁
Sidenote: Were my visions valid?
That morning when I woke up to watch that 18/9 episode of Taenggu TV, a comment from Red Velvet official instagram account was already left on that post. As to whether the person who wrote that comment was Yeri or not, I couldn’t tell for sure.
The instastory from Sooyoung which was posted the night before was rather suggestive too.
These were some of the tell-tale signs that indicate my visions did make some sense after all! 😀