Setting of this post: Bintan/Singapore, 170901-170906
Towards the end of my previous post MONTHSARY SPECIAL: THE THIRTY-FIRST, I wrote about how I found out that Taenggu was on a holiday in Milan. On the night after the post was published, she revealed photos of herself in UK on her instagram. So it turned out that she was actually on a tour not just in Milan but around Europe.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BYdIiBNgnGY/?taken-by=taeyeon_ss
Coincidentally or not, on the very next day, I was due to set off on a holiday with my friend too, to Bintan, Indonesia. We had already planned this trip about a month ago. So I thought probably this trip was going to be special because it would be the first time Taenggu and I were travelling on a holiday together at the same time, but to different places and in different realities. Let’s see how both our realities would match each other, at least from my own perspective. In the following, I’m going to narrate carefully the specific details I could consciously remember which might have some links to Taenggu.
On the morning of our trip, I faced the first problem of the day – I started developing sore throat due to the heatiness of the durians I ate on the night before with my company. I guess it was a huge mistake to eat durians right before my trip. 🙁 So I didn’t feel comfortable to be talking with a hoarse voice and coughing out phlegm throughout the trip. My friend actually fell sick the day before too, so she was still recovering from flu and having a blocked nose.
When our ferry reached Bintan after an hour’s journey and we were about to alight, the song “Alone” by Alan Walker randomly -and mystically- started playing in my head. It was actually one of the songs in my workout playlist I would listen to when I go to the gym at my office.
Part of the lyrics went something like,
“…
If this night is not forever
At least we are together
I know I’m not alone
I know I’m not alone
Anywhere, whenever
Apart, but still together
I know I’m not alone
I know I’m not alone
…”
“Alone” by Alan Walker
Later on, after my friend and I checked in to our hotel at Nirwana Beach Club, we went for an early dinner at Dino Bistro. I ordered grilled salmon for myself. (p.s my favourite food is salmon)
But rather than enjoying my food, I found myself having trouble digesting it – a sign of indigestion again. And that was the second physical problem I faced during the trip. While we were still dining, another restaurant below us started playing some loud music. One of the first few songs which they played instantly caught my attention. It was “Alone” by Alan Walker again – the same song which was randomly playing in my head when I was on the ferry just a couple of hours ago. It sent a little chill down my spine. Unmistakably, it was a message deliberately sent to me from the universe. What was it trying to tell me? My interpretation was simply, I wasn’t alone! Taenggu was also on this trip with me in her mind and spirit.
After dinner and a short visit to the beach, we went back to our hotel to rest for the night. We bought some snacks over from Singapore so that we could eat them in our room. There was one snack I particularly liked. It was these mini chocolate biscuits which my friend bought. If I didn’t remember wrongly, I remember silently whispering to myself as if I was speaking to Taenggu, about how delicious these biscuits were. I knew she would like it too if she were to try these herself.
While in the hotel, I wasn’t in a really good mood, due to the discomfort of my body. I messaged Taenggu on Twitter to let her know that I wasn’t actually feeling well. I told her I had sore throat because of yesterday’s durians and now I was also suffering from indigestion. I guess Taenggu could sense my unhappiness too, so later that night, she posted the following Snapchat video of herself eating a similar kind of chocolate biscuit.
My interpretation? Maybe she was trying to comfort me by feeding me with a similar kind of chocolate biscuit because she knew I couldn’t eat too much of it in reality due to my sore throat. Or maybe she was showing me that she managed to find herself a similar chocolate biscuit to eat herself because in reality I couldn’t pass mine to her. Whatever her intention was, that chocolate biscuit was a match in both our separate realities.
Apart from sore throat and indigestion, I was actually unhappy about many other stuff too. There was obviously an misalignment between my physical and spiritual realities. I knew the spiritual side of me was trying to stay by Taenggu’s side in Europe, but the physical side of me was still bounded by the limits of my physical environment and pretty much occupied with the direct physical experience and interaction with my friend, the people and events around me. Almost 100% of the time, I wasn’t consciously aware of what exactly Taenggu was doing and what was happening at her side of reality. I had to make guesses, judging from the time difference between Bintan and Europe, like maybe it was time for breakfast for her while I had my dinner. I didn’t feel any direct form of physical involvement in her reality. The difference between me and her was that I could easily text her via Twitter to keep her updated and make her consciously aware of what I was doing and invite her to join me in my reality – if she wanted to. But from her to me, I could only rely on some travel photos she would post on instagram every night so that I could finally get a glimpse of the places she went that day. But then, it wasn’t very clear too. Where did she go? What exactly did she do that day? What did she eat? Was she having fun? Did she enjoy herself? Was she happy? This frustration of not being aware of the details of her reality really got me. But at the same time, I still had to understand her private life as an idol, which was why she couldn’t reveal too much details on social media to the public at large. It was an extremely tricky situation between us.
The first night, I could barely sleep at all. We kept the lights on throughout the night because we were afraid to sleep in the dark in a foreign place. There were some persistent voices in my head, repeating almost the same thing over and over again which I couldn’t understand. These voices, instead of providing me with information about Taenggu’s trip, were telling me seemingly unrelated things, or at least not something I could make sense of at the moment. Things like 30K dollars, it’s like a movie, a movie script etc. I wished I could shut my mind sometimes and stop thinking too much. At around 4am, I left a message to Taenggu, saying I couldn’t sleep at all. Finally, at the last hour, I managed to fall asleep before we were due to wake up for breakfast at 7am.
On the second day after breakfast, we enjoyed an hour of Thai massage. Then we went back to the hotel again and agreed that we would take a nap for like 45 mins before deciding what to do and where to go for the rest of the day. As I closed my eyes to sleep, voices started gathering in my head and trying to get me do something, instead of just lying in the hotel room. The conversations from the voices this time were more informative and helpful, though a little out of context at times. They went something like this:
Voice 1: Boring leh…
Voice 2: Hurry do something! I’m the most excited!
Me (thinking silently to myself): Is it Taenggu?
Voice 3: Take cab to Pasar Oleh Oleh! Bowling. Rifle shooting…
Voice 4: Gym and lunch**after some chatterings**
Voice 5: …not enough money…
Me (thinking silently to myself): Who is she (that voice) referring to? I’m pretty sure my friend and I each brought more than enough money for this trip.
Voice 6: But you’re working
Me (thinking silently to myself): She (my friend) is working too.
Voice 6: You can treat her!And I felt a sudden jerk on my arm.
Aigoo, it seemed like these voices misunderstood our situation. They might have thought we were only going to stay in the room the whole day and not doing anything else because we didn’t have enough money to spend. But anyway, I actually felt more motivated by them to plan some activities for the day. When our stipulated nap time was over, I initiated ideas to my friend about taking a cab to Pasar Oleh Oleh, bowling, swimming, going to the beach, rifle shooting etc. After some discussion, we decided to do bowling, then take a shuttle bus to Plaza Lagoi (because we later found out from the reception that Pasar Oleh Oleh was already shut down for good).
Over at the bowling alley at the Resorts Centre, I anxiously texted Taenggu that we were going to play a game of bowling now (an example of how I made a conscious effort to make Taenggu aware of what I was doing and invite her to join me by tweeting). It was going to be my first time ever playing bowling. It reminded me of how I used to watch Taenggu play bowling with the other Girls’ Generation members on vapp live 2 years ago.
Here’s the link to the video (Taenggu’s part starts at 22:57):
http://tv.naver.com/v/504447
At that time, I wished I could play bowling with her too. Now, my chance finally came 2 years later over at Bintan. Indeed, I could feel Taenggu’s strong presence within me each time when it was my turn to throw the ball, as if we were playing it together as the same person. I managed to win my friend at the end of the first game by a little bit, which wasn’t too bad as a first attempt. My friend said it was beginner’s luck. I felt really happy and a strong sense of achievement. I hadn’t felt so thrilled in a long time.
I actually wanted to send the above photo on Twitter to show my score proudly to Taenggu right away, but for some odd reasons, the internet connection got rather weak and my tweet wasn’t able to send. Even when we were at Plaza Lagoi later on, all my subsequent tweets failed to send too. So for the next few hours, it seemed like we had lost some physical communication with each other. It was only until we got back to the hotel at night that the internet connection got back stronger and I could finally contact her on Twitter again.
That night, I caught a cold. Simply because the air con of the shuttle bus we were on board just now was blowing directly on my head and couldn’t be adjusted in any other way. With triple attacks of flu, sore throat and bloated stomach, I was completely KO-ed. I was really drowsy. That night, thankfully or not, I was able to stay asleep throughout the night because of drowsiness.
The next morning, my condition seemed to worsen. I was sneezing hard and busy blowing my nose, and at the same time, coughing and spitting out phlegm. Thankfully, it was already our last day in Bintan. We took the ferry back to Singapore and by 2pm, I was already back home after taking uber directly back from the ferry terminal. At home, the energy immediately felt different. I felt more balanced with my mind and body and well taken care of. I became more intuitive, as if I suddenly knew how to take care of my physical body. As if there was already a recovery plan in place and I was being guided by “someone” to follow it. A voice told me comfortingly, “Don’t be afraid.” So I naturally began to feel more relaxed too. First, I had a strong instinct about eating the bananas at home, so I quickly grabbed myself a couple of them and they tasted unusually satisfying. Then, I suddenly felt really hungry for the first time since my Bintan trip, so I ate some vegetable soup and steamed fish my mum cooked, which was an unusually pleasing meal for me too. Then, I took a nap. About an hour later, I woke up and decided to see a doctor. My mum actually offered to accompany me to the clinic – she seldom does that willingly without complaining. The doctor did a check on me and told me I was having a slight fever too. He prescribed me some medicine and gave me a 2-day MC. Back at home, my mum told me to take my shower first before eating dinner and I obediently did so for the first time – she used to always nag at me to take my shower early but I never did listen to her. That night, I had a good appetite for dinner too. Later on, my mum told me about a massage machine she bought very long time ago but had forgotten about it until recently. All the machine does is “hammering” or punching repeatedly over the same spots anywhere on your body. So I tried it on my tummy and shoulders. It really made me feel better. Then, when I saw my mum putting some detox foot patches on her feet, I also asked for a couple of it to put on my own feet too. I also drank some fresh coconut water to release the heat from my body. What I realised was I was taking a more proactive role in trying to heal myself in all sorts of ways, apart from just relying on medicine.
That night, Taenggu posted some photos of the day from her trip, as usual. I seemed to feel some subtle personal connection with this particular one.
It made me relate these 3 photos to my own physical reality when I was still in Bintan that same morning. The first photo showed her looking at her phone in the hotel. It reminded me of how my friend and I would sometimes browse through our phones silently in the hotel room, each on our own bed, without talking to each other. In the second photo (click right), she looked like she was putting on some makeup (eyeliner or something). What happened in my reality was, I was all ready to go out, but my friend said she still needed to put some makeup. I remembered consciously thinking to myself, “If Taenggu was physically here with me, I probably would have to wait for her to put on makeup too.” Then, I decided I would apply some makeup on my face too. In the third photo, she was openly getting changed in the bedroom. In my reality, while my friend was brushing up herself in the toilet, I thought I would just get myself changed into my outfit of the day outside in the bedroom. As I got changed, I consciously thought to myself, “It probably wouldn’t matter if it was Taenggu (if she could see my naked body or not).” The last thing I want to point out from these photos is that, the hotel she stayed at was kinda similar to the one where I brought her to for her birthday staycation this March. The Studio M Hotel where we stayed was also loft-inspired, with staircase leading to the second floor (related post: BIRTHDAY SPECIAL: THE STAYCATION).
The next 2 days were spent resting on my bed at home on medical leave for me, while Taenggu continued travelling, although I wasn’t exactly sure which part of the world she was in right now. Might be somewhere in Japan now, because she posted some Japanese candies on her instastory. But I felt more comfortable to be able to spend some alone quiet time on my own at home. I felt I could connect with my spiritual self much better this way. Voices seemed to be aware that I have a long pending list of tasks to do. They advised me not to worry too much about Taenggu and just go ahead to do whatever I needed to do. So I would just lie on my bed with my laptop, planning my Korea trip itinerary for this coming December, uploading my travel photos or writing a long long blog post like this one. At times, I would fall asleep and in between my consciousness, I thought I could hear sounds of water, not the splashing waves against the beach kind of sound, but the bubbling sounds you would hear when you are underwater. Physically-wise, I felt much better too after taking my flu and cough medicine and taking care of myself better. My bowel movements were smooth again (been suffering from constipation in Bintan). All in all, it had been a fulfilling time for me.
What had I learnt from our parallel trips? I recognised that Twitter messages or other social media which act as my physical communication channels with Taenggu may not always work, like in case of Bintan, when the internet connection is poor. Moreover, Twitter isn’t a best place for me to voice out my problems or write anything in detail to her because of the very limited number of words allowed. So I tend to hold myself back on a lot of things from her too. Unlike here on my blog, I am able to freely write whatever I want and however long I want. But sometimes, I realise I may not actually always need to say or write anything verbally to her. It sometimes seems like I just need to consciously think about something related to her and she would catch my brainwaves too. But the problem is, I am also thinking about a lot of things, some may not even be related to her. So which part of my thinking actually gets through to her is a question too. And the difference in timezones may not be a problem? I always worry if it would be a problem if she was still awake in the day in Europe but I was sleeping at night in Bintan. After all, in the concept of parallel realities, time and space are nothing but an illusion. Realities already co-exist, right next to each other. It seemed to be true too, because when I thought she was sleeping in her time in Europe, I still could feel some energy from her as if she was still awake. But I am still not sure about this, probably gotta to ask her directly one day to know if it still works with her when I’m sleeping.
I shall end off my post with another recent photo from Taenggu’s instagram.
Go long or go home. I guess Taenggu is going long on this holiday! <3
{ Edited on 6 September 2017 }
The night after this post was published, at around 10 minutes before 1am, I woke up from a weird dream. I felt as if “something” was trying to wake me up by projecting some weird scenarios in my dream because I heard voices saying something like “Better wake you up…”. Awhile later, my phone beeped. It was a new instagram post notification from Taenggu.
It seemed like she had already returned home by plane. I was relieved. I believed I woke up / was awakened because of her. I was wide awake by then and felt that we probably needed to talk. So, I spent some time writing some Twitter messages to her talking about some other details I didn’t manage to include in this original post. As much as I needed to know the details of her trip and her side of story, I was giving her mine first because it seemed to me that she wanted to know what exactly happened to me on my trip to Bintan. Anyway, I hoped all these information I provided helped her understand my situation better. <3
And one significant thing I want to highlight in the above photo is her hair. It’s Betty Boop Taeng again. <3 (related post: TAENGGU IN MY MIND: BETTY BOOP TAENG)
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