Would it be worth it to go against all odds to get closer to you?
Getting myself in a body full of wounds
But found you colder and more distant than I thought
Even as I made my steps physically closer towards you
This distance between me and you was probably a good thing after all
So that my memory of you could still remain perfect
The way I imagined you to be
I was on transit in Bangkok, Thailand to return to Singapore when I captured the above cover photo of this post. The moon was unusually bright, big and round in Bangkok that night. Even my friend noticed that too. I thought about the phrase I came up with for a Thor design card I made for sale on Carousell just about a month ago (now already sold) – “You’re my THOR-chlight in the dark”. Indeed, the moon acted like that giant torchlight in the dark that night to lead me out of darkness as I made my way home for an emotional recovery from my Korea trip.
Honestly, I had negative thoughts going on in my head while on the flight back to Singapore. I felt it would be difficult for me to move on with my life after all of the depressing episodes I had encountered with Taenggu.
After I returned in Singapore the night before, I took leave from work the next day to recharge and reorganise my thoughts. I had several inspirations and reflections from my Korea trip that needed to be sorted out and compiled together. I spent the whole afternoon at Starbucks cafe to plan and write down things casually on my phone and that was when this poem was composed. (*note line 2-4 of the poem were added in later on when I was writing this post as I felt the need to fill in more words in between)
The idea came while I was on the return flight getting physically further apart from Taenggu when I heard a voice saying “This distance is good…” I was immediately reminded of The Addams Family musical that I watched with Taenggu on our 34th monthsary (MONTHSARY SPECIAL: THE THIRTY-FOURTH). There was a joke made when Gomez’s brother who fell in love with the moon said that the distance between him and the moon was a good thing after all because there could then be less or no conflicts with each other this way when they did not have to interact intimately with each other everyday. It kinda felt like that between me and Taenggu too. What if I pushed myself through all odds to get closer to Taenggu only to find out that she might not be the same person whom I think I knew? What if there was a difference between the physical and spiritual sides of her?
It was what happened during “The Magic of Christmas Time” concert I attended in Seoul on 24th Dec. As I looked at the physical Taenggu from the audience seat from afar looking rather cold and nonchalant in person towards my presence, the spiritual Taenggu, on the other hand, was so warm towards me in my mind. It pained my heart to see how different the both sides of her were at the same time – the physical her right in front of my eyes while the spiritual her in my mind. Some people might say the spiritual Taenggu was just my own imagination of her, not the real her. Whatever. I believe the spiritual her was instead the REAL her because in the spiritual realm, she didn’t have to give in to external pressure from the physical world to hide her true self and inner desires at all.
Maybe that’s why this distance between me and her is good after all. As I get further away from her, not seeing her physical body in front of my eyes anymore, all that is left is her spirit, or some say, my imagination of her in my mind. I would only see the good sides of her and none of her dark sides to scar my perfect memory of her.
Maybe one day, when she doesn’t have to be burdened by the weight of her world of being a celebrity anymore, she would come find me and show her true self and feelings to me finally.
Since this poem is related to moon, I shall talk about the recent Super Blue Blood Moon phenomena too.
Remember back in #22 MONTHSARY: OUR 2034 SUPERMOON PROMISE, I made a promise with Taenggu that we would watch the next supermoon physically together in 2034. In truth, I wished I didn’t have to wait so long to do that with her.
On the day after I composed this poem, I posted it on my instagram. In my caption, I asked, “Is my supermoon wish coming true?”
Later that month, there was news that a triple moon phenomena termed “Super Blue Blood Moon” was going to happen on Jan 31st. Even Taenggu herself also heard about it and directed my attention to it by liking a related post on instagram.
And so on the night of Jan 31st, I watched the moon well. Although the weather in Singapore was rather bad as the moon was mostly covered by thick layers of clouds, I still managed to see glimpses of it. I even saw a blood moon for the first time in my life!
These were the best photos I could capture that night with my phone.
My supermoon wish indeed came true! 🌝🙏💜