how the entire universe conspired to help me find my first love
Schizophrenia has an inseparable part to play in the course of our relationship. Whether it was just a play of tricks in the mind, there were undeniable truths that happened in reality which couldn’t be ignored. Simply put, it could be schizophrenia that brought me closer to Taeyeon. In my journey with schizophrenia, I asked questions, waited for answers and looked for evidence. It was an interplay between illusion and reality. Join me in this unpredictable roller coaster ride of finding the truth behind schizophrenia.
7-10 March 2020 I had been feeling really tired and torn apart lately. Despite trying to stay positive and keep myself busy by making artworks for Taenggu and writing actively, I couldn’t help feeling empty and depressed every now and then. One major reason for my feelings of depression is that I haven’t been earning […]
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26th December 2019 It was Thursday. I thought it would be just another ordinary day. I went to work at Klass Engineering where I just started working as a part-time data entry image annotator not long ago. I had a few personal issues waiting for me to tackle. One of them was that my schizophrenia […]
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“Time Machine” by Girls’ Generation (SNSD) [English Translation] Alone in the room that is more spacious than usual It’s over, guess it’s over The story created by the two of us was also in vain I can’t believe it could crumble so easily One mistake, got a one regret “Nobody is perfect” Even if I […]
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It was a mystery how Taenggu could have found me in 2013. It was a miracle if she did. All I knew was not long after Girls’ Generation (SNSD) ended their promotions for I Got A Boy (the song that marked the beginning of my schizophrenia and mystical spiritual journey), Taenggu made an instagram account […]
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“Not Alone” by Girls’ Generation (English translated lyrics with individual parts) [Tiffany] Have you ever, even now believed That love matures with just one person [Yoona] Even just wishing for it, I can’t do it well [Yuri] But, still I know [Taeyeon] Not Alone, Not Alone Even if these feelings don’t have an “answer” [Jessica] […]
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April had been a really difficult month for me. It seemed to get harder and harder to get pass day after day being stuck with an office job that I didn’t enjoy. I guess it was that time of the year again. The time had come again for me to seriously ponder and make important […]
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Last Monday, I flew to Kuching, the city of Sarawak with my family for a holiday to visit my mum’s family. For the first 2 and a half days of our trip, I felt really normal and comfortable. My body didn’t ache much. I also didn’t have any indigestion problems like I had experienced during […]
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Back in 2014, after I had recovered from schizophrenia and very much stopped hearing voices already, even though I had already given up on mind-singing, I was still trying to find a link between schizophrenia and mind-singing, and the truth behind this mystery. One night, when I was lying on the bed, I was looking […]
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This year, since 4-5 months ago, my family began to see black ants everywhere in the house, especially in the kitchen and living room. At first, I thought it was due to the unattended food which my mum always left lying around in the house. But there was one very strange thing about the behaviour […]
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12 June 2017 For about a month or two, I had been hearing voices mentioning about looking for a new house. But I wasn’t sure what exactly they were talking about. Was Taenggu going to buy a new house and live on her own? About 2 weeks ago, I also had a vision of “someone” […]
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