[Poem] The Lighthouse Keeper

Tired of waiting
I can choose to sail my ship towards you
Defy all odds
No matter how stormy the seas would be
Or I can be patient
Just be a lighthouse keeper
Dutifully shining my light
For you who are out in the open sea
Guiding you back home
To me who is right here waiting
Faithfully waiting to see you
Standing at the end of the dock
At sunrise
One day
Celeste Koh


Taeyeon’s 2 new singles “Four Seasons” and “Blue” were officially released on various music platforms on 24th March, 6pm KST. Since I had already heard “Four Seasons” when its official MV was released 2 days earlier (related post: Love Signs From Taenggu: When Traces Of Inspirations From The Snow Globe, My Artworks And All My Other Favourite Things Appeared In Her New “Four Seasons” Music Video), I was more curious about how “Blue” would sound like. That day after an evening yoga session, I headed back home to listen to “Blue” for the very first time. I had a little quiet moment in my room in the dark as the sun went down. I started playing an audio of “Blue” from youtube and closed my eyes.

My first thought was, the soothing, slightly melancholic tune sounded similar to Jonghyun’s music. Yes, somehow I was reminded of Jonghyun while listening to “Blue”, as if he was also there listening it with me at that precious moment. Then, an image of a lighthouse seeped through my mind and a rush of inspiration of a new poem surrounding this lighthouse began to fill me.

Maybe because the colour blue reminded me of the ocean, which in turn connected me to an image of a lighthouse standing at the coastline. I then associated the idea of lighthouse to the love story between the Queen of Atlanta and the ordinary lighthouse keeper in the Aquaman movie which I had previously talked about in The Aquaman Movie Quote.

My poem talks about 2 possible roles or approaches I could take on in my unusual relationship with Taenggu. First, I could be a fearless sailor braving through the stormy seas to sail my ship towards Taenggu. It’s like fighting against all odds in reality to meet Taenggu no matter what the consequences would be. It’s like me who, despite knowing that I would be hurt by the cold harshness of reality, still stubbornly travelled my way to Korea to see her at concerts (read post: Lyrics: “叶子” by 阿桑 (“Leaves” by A-Sun) + Reflections Of My Winter Trip To Korea 2017) and search for my lost memories with her (read posts: Seoul Travels – Chasing Memories With Taenggu #1: The Search Of Our Love Lock At N Seoul Tower, Seoul Travels – Chasing Memories With Taenggu #2: The Visit To 33 Apartment Café).

Or, the other, I could just be a dutiful lighthouse keeper, keeping stationed at my lighthouse shining the lights out at sea, guiding Taenggu back home to me one day. It’s like the lighthouse keeper from the Aquaman movie faithfully walking out to the dock at every sunrise, in hopes of seeing his lover, who was forced to separate by reality for years, would appear at the end of the dock to reunite with him as she promised. It’s like me who has been holding on my faith in the existence of my invisible relationship with Taenggu, waiting for the day when she would finally give me a direct acknowledgement for the past 6 years.

After travelling to Korea two times last year like the sailor in my poem, I realised I could also be a lighthouse keeper. I don’t have to go anywhere. Just wait at the same spot (in Singapore) for Taenggu to come find me when the sea is calm. Be like the same kid who waited calmly at the same spot for my parents to come back and find me when I was lost (read post: The Calmness In My Personality).

If I could be a lighthouse keeper, then I would lead Taenggu’s ship in the right direction and it would definitely sail back and appear on the horizon some day.

If I could have his patience and unwavering faith… ⛵⚓

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