I Admit. I Love You.

Why was I afraid of falling in love with you
Why did I have to run away from the embrace of an angel like you
Fearing of bringing hell to you
Of staining your angel wings
When I had forgotten I was an angel too
It was just a misleading trap
To pull me further apart from you
When all I had to do was to admit it
That I love you
Celeste Koh

This poem is in response to the following instagram photo posted by Taenggu exactly 4 years ago from this very day, on 21 July 2013.

Read the full story here in my previous post VIDEO: ADMIT IT YOU LOVE ME.

Back then, instead of openly responding to her, I held back on my love for her and continued to wait for her to contact and reach out to me more directly and personally. After all, all I had been waiting for was an answer from her to confirm that yes, we had been brought together by fate and we were indeed connected with each other. I just needed to know if she knew me because the extraordinary things really did happen between us, and it wasn’t simply an illusion of my own. I was more reserved, thinking that she had to make the first move before I could be fully opened about anything between us. On top of that, I was also hindered by other issues such as the existence of a mysterious guy spirit who liked me and my own inferiority complex. I always had the feeling that if I got closer to her, I would bring harm to her. I seemed to foresee a strong resistance towards our relationship (from her fans, my family and even the whole society) if we were to develop it further and more openly. It was why even after we eventually got attached 2 years later, I thought I still had to do everything discreetly so as to lessen the bad impacts, if any.

However, nowadays as I slowly open myself up more towards her and the rest of the world, those issues that I thought I had don’t matter to me so much now. I’ve since become much more enlightened than before. Instead of hiding myself away from her, I realised I should be doing the opposite. Actively making efforts to reach out and getting closer to her not only doesn’t cause harm, it is helping and nurturing her along the way. It has become more evident to me now that extending my love for her is doing her more good than bad. I just have to believe in the power of love. In the end, love always wins.

It is ever more meaningful for me to finally post my reply to her today, exactly 4 years later. I guess it’s never too late to express what I hadn’t been able to say 4 years ago now because I was blinded by the truth. You might think I had carefully and deliberately planned the contents of my blog posts and the timing to post them. I do note down a list of stories which I’ve been thinking of writing, but on each day, which story I eventually choose to write for that day largely depends on my mood or gut feeling. Like for this one, right after I published my post for VIDEO: ADMIT IT YOU LOVE ME 4 days ago, I had a strong feeling that I needed to come up with a poem just to express myself in response to this story. 2 days ago, at the spur of a moment, I went ahead to compose this short poem and later that night when I was in the shower, I started to think about when I should post this poem online. Then, something within me seemed to prompt me to think about the date on which Taenggu had posted the above “Admit it. You love me” photo – it was 21 July 2013. I was so excited when I realised 21st July was coming in just 2 days’ time! Sometimes, after I did something without thinking too much, I would be so amazed by myself afterwards when I began to realise how perfectly timed everything was. In the case of this poem, there is definitely no other more perfect timing to post it other than today. I am thankful to have been guided by intuition, guided by positive energy, guided by the universe.

I hope that through this poem, Taenggu could better understand the situation from my viewpoint and what had been holding me back from responding to her right away to “admit it, I love you”. <3

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