The Afterlife Of Jonghyun (1st Death Anniversary)

#181218#

It’s exactly one year since Jonghyun’s departure. One would have wondered how has he been doing all these while in Heaven or another spiritual world that is often unknown to us? I often wondered about that too.

The following are the little stories of what Jonghyun could have been up to in the past one year of his afterlife, some were my own while others were what I had found online written or posted by other Shawols.

The first thing I believed his spirit did in the other world after he passed away was to save the lives of many Shawols who got depressed and also resorted to committing suicide to follow the footsteps of their beloved idol. Below was a touching story of how Jonghyun could have successfully saved the life of a fangirl who had a close shave with death after committing suicide. Yes, I definitely believed the dream the girl had while in coma was real!

Shortly after Jonghyun passed away on 18th December last year, I went on a holiday trip to South Korea with some friends which was already planned a long time back. While I had to deal with several emotional heartbreaks on my own during the trip after watching Taenggu’s The Magic Of Christmas Time concert in Seoul, once in a while I would see visions of Jonghyun appearing in my mind. It was around Christmas then. I was in the shower at our airbnb apartment in Seoul one night, feeling depressed over my relationship with Taenggu. Then came a cute vision of Jonghyun dressed like Santa Claus carrying a sack on his back, flashing across my mind. I knew for sure he must have been busy going around the world, cheering up his fans and showering them with “secret santa gifts” on this Christmas Day! Haha the thought of it comforted me a little.

The following year, during Chinese New Year this year, SHINee was having “SHINee WORLD THE BEST 2018～FROM NOW ON～“ concert in Osaka on 17-18 February. It was SHINee’s first concert as a 4-member group since Jonghyun’s passing. I had to spend the Chinese New Year weekend with my family in Johor Bahru. On the night of 16 February, I sang a couple of SHINee songs in preparation for their concert the next day. But I didn’t know why, the more I sang, the more depressed I felt, as if there was something heavy weighing down on my back. That night, as part of my usual routine before I went to bed, I tweeted my own setlist that I had prepared for mind-singing for the concert on the next day.

180217 CONCERTS

SHINEE WORLD THE BEST 2018 – FROM NOW ON – @ KYOCERA DAY 1
SHINee –
Tell Me What To Do
Sing Your Song

— Celeste Koh (@mindofsoul27) February 16, 2018

Next day, 17 February, I went to a theatre in JB with my family to catch a new year movie. While in the middle of the movie and I was engrossed watching, I felt the right side of my head freeze suddenly as if something was sucking blood out of my brain. I knew something wasn’t right. Based on my past experiences with schizophrenia, I had come to associate this unpleasant sensation as a sign that a spirit was “stealing” something from my head. It felt like an aggressive act of theft to me. But then, there wasn’t really anything I could do whenever this situation happened. But at the same time, I was aware that the SHINee concert was also happening around the same time when I was watching the movie.

That night when we got back to our JB home, I saw a strange photo from the concert that was circulating online. People were saying they could see a white figure standing among the other 4 members on stage during a performance! The fans believed it was the spirit of Jonghyun who was coming back to perform with his brothers as 5.

Not sure if my eyes were playing tricks on me, other than the standing white figure which many people saw, I also noticed a darker figure who was crawling on the floor!

Although it was a little creepy, I actually felt more of happy and excited that such mystical phenomena could actually come true on such a big concert event in front of the eyes of a large audience like that. And I began to understand why I felt depressed when I did my mind-singing the night before. Because none of the 2 songs that I had prepared for SHINee came out in the actual concert setlist (it often happens when I do not know the setlist yet before the first concert)! Probably it was Jonghyun’s spirit who was inside of me feeling depressed and disappointed with me for not choosing the right songs to sing.

But later that night when I went to sleep, there were mixed reactions in my head. There seemed to be some arguments going on among the voices in my head. Was it right for Jonghyun to do this? There are probably some rules which the spiritual world has to obey. Did Jonghyun break the rules? I personally, though, was standing on Jonghyun’s side and believed there was nothing wrong about it. This could let the world believe that our life can extend beyond death as spirits which co-exist with our physical world.

But as days went by, the more I thought about it, the more I felt strange and angry about it. I thought about the unpleasant sensation of something snatching precious things away from my head that I felt when I was caught off-guard while watching a movie. Was Jonghyun able to make himself visible because he was the one who “stole” part of my brain cells and suck my soul away? I wondered if it was because of this, Jonghyun appeared less often in my head ever since.

Another time I could see him vividly in my head again was when Taenggu just released her Something New album in June this year. That first night when I went into the shower playing her new songs from that album, I saw a vision of Jonghyun showing up a little sneakily wearing a baseball cap. He then took off his cap when he came in. It puzzled me. Did he still need to behave so secretively even in the spiritual world? It seemed to me that he needed to keep his visit a low profile. But one thing for sure, he was here to show his support for his good friend, Taenggu and congratulate her for the release of her new album. It warmed my heart and proved to me he must have had a strong special bond with Taenggu in the past. 😌

What else could he have done during his time in Heaven? Sometimes I would wonder and imagine him still composing songs for angels in Heaven to listen to. A voice responded, “It’s good to let your imagination run wild (by not telling you the answer).”

Other times, he could be going around, visiting his Shawols’ houses, making sure they are all doing alright and even manipulating their playlists so that they would not forget all his songs and SHINee’s music. 🎼🎵🎶

I had experienced this a few times myself before too. Sometimes when I let my music player play randomly on shuffle, it was strange why only Taeyeon’s or SNSD’s songs would play or even songs of other artistes which I happened to be thinking of, including Jonghyun. Always a sweet reminder that even when these people are not physically by your side, their presence are still felt through music, scent and any other ways you couldn’t have imagined.

One year on, let’s not forget Jonghyun is still there beside us today. He may be unseen and unheard, but he is still there silently watching over us like a guardian angel.

수고했어요 종현아! ❤❤❤

Read my other posts related to Jonghyun:
R.I.P Kim Jonghyun, You Did Well
Remember Me