For Tiffany: Tiffany The Ballerina

“It will cost you nothing to dream and everything not to.”

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I did this drawing for Tiffany’s birthday last week. As I was thinking about what to draw for her a couple of weeks ago, the idea of a ballerina came up in my mind. She always gives me an impression of a very dreamy lady-like image so I would relate her to characters like Tinkerbell and disney princesses. So it wasn’t surprising that the image of a ballerina would suit her well too.

As for which reference photo of her face to use for my drawing, the following image of her came up in my mind. It was a photo of her in vintage bangs from The Boys album. I guess this image of her had left such a deep impression in me that I still remember it till this day. And her hairstyle also happened to go along well with the image of the ballerina which I was going to draw and paint.

My reference photo I had chosen for Tiffany’s face and hair

To me, she always seems like someone who is very motivated, full of energy and driven towards her goals. So I felt that the above quote I found for her really described her attitude and outlook on life the best.

Other than Taenggu, she is another person whom I have been spiritually connected with too. Especially during my first year of relationship with Taenggu in 2015, whenever I was speaking to Taenggu, I could somehow feel Tiffany’s presence around her too. In other words, Tiffany was always with Taenggu. Sometimes, I would get confused over who exactly I was talking to too. Maybe because Tiffany speaks English herself so it has been easier to connect with her in my mind too. Anyway, I always feel that Tiffany has been like a bridge between me and Taenggu. Without her, I guess it would have been more difficult for me to communicate with Taenggu and sustain our relationship at the start. So I have always been thankful to Tiffany for her help and being such a great friend to Taenggu.

There was one particular incident with Tiffany when she came into the picture in times of crisis which I couldn’t forget till today. On the night of that fateful christmas day in Seoul in 2015, when I was utterly disappointed with Taenggu and on the verge of giving up our relationship, I wanted to keep a distance away from her and stop communicating with her. I was crying silently on the bed in my hotel while trying to fall asleep. Then at one point of time, came Tiffany’s voice so loud and clear at the back of my head. She said, “Take care of yourself.” Her words of concern came timely and managed to comfort me a little back then.

In 2016 last year, there was a period of time when I had some signs of depression and mild relapse of schizophrenia. At that time, I was troubled by several loud, persistent voices in my head. Especially when I heard voices that sounded like Tiffany, I would feel very stressed and pressurised. Because her voice often revolved around the same sentence which seemed to repeat itself in a loop. “To be honest with you…” “To be honest with you…” “To be honest with you…” It made me feel stressed because her voice always trailed off after that so I couldn’t hear exactly what she was trying to be honest about.

Thinking back about it now, I guess it shows that Tiffany is a very honest person in real life. Either that or she was actually trying to tell me to open up and be honest about my thoughts and feelings towards my relationship and other issues, which really was effective in helping myself to relieve my emotional stress after gradually opening myself up a few months later.

She’s indeed a precious friend one could ever ask for, both to me and Taenggu. Thanks for being such a cheery pie to us all these while! May you always have the fighting spirits of a ballerina and reach up high for your own dreams! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ❀

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