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After Taeyeon left Singapore from the Asia Style Collection show
Reality slowly sank in as I adjusted back to “normal” life
Voices subsided much more with regular psychotic medication
I even took up a holiday job delivering work permits for the Ministry of Manpower that required me to travel all around Singapore by foot
As I waited for the new semester to start in university…
12th October 2013
Taeyeon kept her word
She returned to Singapore again with her Girls’ Generation members
As promised earlier on her Instagram post
For their Girls & Peace concert tour at Singapore Indoor Stadium
I bought a ticket to the show too this time
Somehow I was late
The show already started when I arrived
But just in time to catch parts of The Boys / I Got A Boy performance
Still that good old rule-abiding member of the audience
Obediently not taking any photos or videos of the show
Fully focused on being present and enjoying the concert
Even more so to observe for any possible signs that Taeyeon might have noticed me or even knew who and where I was
Sitting on the second level among the thousands other fans waving our pink lightsticks
But on the left side facing the stage this time
Growing skeptical as my logical left brain regaining its power
Thinking about what the voices used to tell me
Are you sure there’s really anything going on between me and Taeyeon??
Memories of the show were vague and possibly nothing really memorable happened
It seemed that I tend to observe more “special things” happen watching and listening to fancams on YouTube repetitively at home rather than through the big screen at a concert live
I tried singing along to most of the songs too
But felt like the magic of audience singing that I once believed in had pretty much faded now
The show ended with a sense of loss and emptiness
The girls had left the stage and fans slowly exiting the venue
Only more doubts and questions remained
Nothing special happened again?
Taeyeon did not come to look for me again??
I wandered back and forth outside the stadium
Not sure what to do, where to go
Eventually found an empty hidden spot nearby
Where I just sat down on the floor and had some quiet time and space on my own to recover from my confused thoughts and emotions
Finally gathering myself calmly with courage
I placed my pink lightstick on the floor, snapped a photo of it with my phone and uploaded on Instagram
This photo that would become my only evidence of having been to the Girls & Peace concert in Singapore 9 years later today
Along with the conclusion that I took away with me that night:
Yeah, so I’m just a SONE.
An ordinary fan, to be exact.
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