While I was already having the intention of writing about the possibility of ghost contracts in my life that I learned about from a local drama, this other video talking about soul contracts was suggested to me by the YouTube algorithms a few months ago too. I watched and listened to the speaker named Michael Mirdad in the video with keen curiosity on the topic. I connected what he shared with the mystery surrounding my so-called “relationship” with Taeyeon and realised that everything that had happened in the past starts to piece together and make a lot more sense now.
Based on what he shared in the video, I kind of figured out that I might have a karmic relationship with Taeyeon that could have been brought over from a past lifetime. Remember how my first impression of Taeyeon when I saw her for the first time was actually a bad one, and then for the subsequent times I crossed paths with her again a few years later, something in me kept bugging me to delve deeper and know her a little more as if it was some sort of a destiny.
Last birthday when I finally hit my 30s but still had to go through the same emotional turmoil of not getting an answer from Taeyeon even on my own special day like a yearly vicious cycle, I was at a loss and lacking the courage to move on with my life. That was when I decided to engage a psychic medium for a quick answer to my psychic question related to Taeyeon.
Although his answer suggested that she and I were past-life lovers which explained why I was so intensely drawn towards her, he advised that I should move on with my life as she is leading hers on a different path now. He even gave me a tip on what kinds of men could be attracted to me and told me to keep an open mind and look out for those men. I found myself a quiet place to have a good cry after receiving his message. On one hand, I was comforted to have finally received a pretty acceptable answer that could explain this mystery with Taeyeon that had been bugging me for years. On the other hand, I saw a new light and direction on how my life could go moving forward. I think it was a sign that it was time for me to let go of Taeyeon but it was not the end of my life yet. There was still a glimpse of hope that I could still meet a good guy and lead a brand new life like how Taeyeon has already moved on with hers, leading a completely different level of life as a celebrity in a different country. Maybe my lesson in this lifetime is to learn to let go of a past-life lover and accept a new path of life meeting someone new.
That prompted me to give a particular credible dating app called “Coffee Meets Bagel” which I was once averse to a try after hearing many people around me have also had success with it meeting their current boyfriends and even now-husbands. But over the next 6 months, I didn’t quite have the same luck the others had but have only grown more mentally exhausted and depressed dwelling on it as the time drags on with little progress. I think it is largely due to my heart not being fully open yet and I’m also quite wary to choose the right suitable guy and not just anybody. Maybe I still don’t have that capacity in my heart to open myself up and spend time to get to know somebody new from scratch with lots of interest and intent. Maybe I am still stuck in that same karmic energy similar to my situation with Taeyeon where the few guys I tried chatting with lost their interests in me quickly or never did take the initiative to ask to meet or progress further as I hoped they would. Maybe I should work on healing myself first from that emotional trauma that had been inflicted from wasting the past 10 years of my life waiting for Taeyeon for almost nothing and had become a huge psychological barrier for me to be open to a new proper and real relationship. Maybe I still cannot envision myself being with a guy who can completely love and accept me for who I am. Maybe I just am not ready yet, thus God still hasn’t manifested the right one to my life till now.
Back to the video, Michael explains that soul contracts can be made unconsciously as I thought could be the case between me and Taeyeon too. Like how I started writing about my stories with her on this blog and how I used to make it a commitment to do a monthsary artwork and a couple day artwork for her every month as if I had this unspoken obligation to her trying to favour her or to make her happy. I always had this unexplainable feeling of regret that made me feel like I always had to find ways to make it up to her as if I had owed her something but in reality, we barely even know or have ever met each other in real life, or rather in this life. That’s why I would say this relationship is a karmic one, rather than a gifting one, since I feel like I was always one-sidedly giving, causing what he said “leaks” in my life and making me feel imbalanced and drained in many ways.
In 2020, I was stuck with working part-time SafeEntry job with long dreadful hours and low wages for about 6 months while studying short-term skills development courses on the side. But I noticed the real turning point only came when I finally stopped doing one of those things that I had been habitually doing but actually served no real purpose for myself. That December, I did not do artworks for both Hug Day and monthsary. I came to accept the fact that doing these things had become meaningless and I actually owed no one an explanation for not doing it anyway (if anyone was really following it in the first place tbh). I focused instead on self-love and doing things that were beneficial to myself rather than for others. I placed myself on top priority and made efforts and took more deliberate steps to try to enable more positive changes in my life like purchasing crystals and candles to aid my meditations and more proactively looking for a full-time job again. I think it was simply this sudden break in the cycle to stop honouring what is known now as a soul contract with Taeyeon and stop feeding energy to what I did not want to do only then was I able to heal and direct more positive energy to my own life. Suddenly, relevant job offers started coming to me with more ease, one of which is my current one that I’m working now. I also started to recognise more clearly which are the toxic relationships/friendships that I should cut away or heal from. By now, I have completely stopped making artworks for Taeyeon and all other artistes. I finally understand what it means now when I heard a voice say “cut the cords” about 4-5 years ago. And as what Michael says, the key to complete or end soul contracts is by forgiveness.
And then, there’s another video by Michael Mirdad that I watched where he clarifies the real meanings of the terms “soul mates” and “twin souls”.
Well, in short, he’s saying that there’s actually no such thing as a “one and only” soulmate that is uniquely made for you because we all come from the same single source and are all interconnected and so technically we are all soul mates of one another, which means anybody is your soul mate. And there’s no need to find your romantic soul mate unless you are lucky to meet one that is of a gifting relationship. Whereas, “twin souls” or some call “twin flames” are like spiritual partners who are born into this world on an agreement to support each other on a common spiritual purpose or goal. However, if this spiritual partnership were to later turn into a romantic relationship instead, then this so-called spiritual project that they were supposed to be working on in this lifetime would likely not succeed. Therefore, in conclusion, the idea of soulmates and twin flames is not to be romanticised. Well, that honestly kinda crushed my little fantasy after being told that I had a past-life soulmate relationship with Taeyeon previously by the psychic but what Michael said woke me up a little more.
Be it ghost contracts or soul contracts, soul mates or twin souls, karmic relationship or gifting relationship, to follow my spiritual path or to satisfy my human need for codependence, I don’t really know for sure and I think the best thing I can do now is to leave it all up to God.