Time of dream: 6th May 2020, 4.50am
I woke up in the middle of night. Sky was still dark. I had an urgent need to go to the toilet. So I got up and walked to the toilet at our kitchen. I sat down on the toilet bowl, eyes half open and I heard a voice. It said, “under the watchful eyes of… (silence)”. I shrugged, got up after I was done and went back to bed again. I checked the time on my phone. It showed “4.50am”. It was still early so I closed my eyes and dosed off to sleep again. And that was when the following vivid dream began.
The dream sort of began with hearing Taeyeon’s voice in my head say excitedly, “I’m finally back here again!” Then the next scene was me watching a local broadcast show on TV with Taenggu, maybe a few other Girls’ Generation members and even a local actress whom I used to like when I was young singing a song together. It was as if all my favourite artistes had gathered together to give a performance on this show. I went to check with various sources to make sure Taenggu was really in Singapore and find out which broadcasting studio she was at.
I arrived at the broadcast studio/office building. A group of artistes were tapping out of the gantry to head out for lunch (like ordinary office workers lol) but Taenggu wasn’t one of them. Walking right in front of the group was Seohyun. Seohyun and I made eye contact but she looked away in the next second and left with the rest. I went up to another lady who was wearing black round spectacles instead. Looking at her face, she didn’t seem like someone I know in real life. But in my dream, I instinctively knew that she must be either a celebrity or a staff friend of Taenggu whom I’m not so familiar with. I waved at her and she seemed surprised that I actually acknowledged her. I asked her if she could bring me up to see Taeyeon. Rather ambiguously, she said, “yes, I think it’s about time you two should meet.”
So with her staff pass, she brought me past the gantry and took me into the lift. I remember I was holding 2 boxes of gifts in my hands. Then came a really excited Taenggu’s voice in my head again asking, “You have something for me??” As the lift travelled up the building with the lady and her other friend next to me, I said to myself in chinese, “Ahh, I’m really nervous!!” Then the lift stopped at a particular floor and without the door actually opening, we peered through the glass door to see if Taenggu was there outside. It looked like a library with rows of table and a few people wearing identical black hoodies were silently looking down at their desk reading books or studying. We were eager to see if Taenggu was among them sitting at the tables. But no she wasn’t.
At that point of time, feeling like my best chance to meet Taenggu in real life was lost again, I was overwhelmed with disappointment. Then my vision began to drift upwards and float to the lift ceiling as if I was about to faint. In the next moment, I woke up from the dream.
Waking up from my dream:
I opened my eyes. The sky was getting brighter now as the sun was about to rise. It was just a dream but it was so vivid that I felt intense disappointment in my heart. I was so close to meeting Taenggu, but it still didn’t happen, not even in my dream. Tears started flowing down from my eyes. I felt my hands naturally reaching out to hold on to each other with Taeyeon’s concerned voice in my head saying “It’s alright, I’m here!” At the same time, Seohyun’s anxious voice was on the other side, “I’m sorry, let me explain!” It was strange as if they already knew or could see what happened in my dream. But I didn’t want to hear anything. I just wanted to close my eyes and get back to sleep again. I wanted to continue the same dream. Maybe I had gotten disappointed / fainted / jumped into conclusion too early. Taenggu might still be there at the same floor. Maybe she had simply just gone to the toilet (to cry). We just needed to wait for her or find her a little while more. Or at the very least I wanted to return to the dream to ask that kind lady who brought me up to meet Taenggu a burning question I should have asked at the start: “Did you already know who I am?” I tried desperately to fall back to sleep and even visualised Taenggu appearing in that same black hoodie that the others wore. But the feeling wasn’t the same anymore. The dream had already faded. I fell asleep not dreaming of anything else until I woke up again for good at around 9.30am. Thereafter, I felt a sense of melancholy that lasted throughout the rest of the day within me whenever I recalled the details of my dreams.
Later on in the afternoon on Twitter, I briefly shared about having this unusual, vivid dream earlier that day. I cried again as I wrote about it.
After the tweets were sent, the voices in my head began to question, “Who’s that staff/celebrity friend you were referring to??” But I honestly couldn’t recognise who she was during the time I was dreaming. And after waking up, I wasn’t sure if I could still remember how her face looked like correctly. Looking back at the details of my dream, I understood that there could be various messages it was trying to send across to me. For example, it might reflect my inner desire and anguish of waiting to meet Taenggu all these years, and my past regrets and disappointment I had gone through during the past few instances where I could almost have chances to meet her in person at concerts/events. But ultimately, I began to realise that the key message of this dream actually lies in the identity of that staff/celebrity friend whom I had approached and sought help from in my dream.
Little did I expect the identity of that kind lady would become more obvious to me later that night. A twitter account whom I have been following tweeted about a close friend of Taenggu named Jaehee celebrating her birthday in Jeju on that same day. I have noticed they two seem to have gotten close to each other especially since last year and Jaehee has always been supportive of Taenggu’s activities and music and always giving her gifts and cakes like a close friend would. And even here on her birthday, she also seemed to be facetiming with Taenggu and promoting her new song “Happy” a lot on her instastories.
— 💭소원 waiting for 소시컴백💖 (@jasminelep) May 6, 2020
(context: its jaehee’s birthday and she’s spending it at Jeju-do (with ggotbi I believe), but she’s literally mentioning Taeyeon's #Happy in almost all her posts/stories)
— 💭소원 waiting for 소시컴백💖 (@jasminelep) May 6, 2020
Thinking back, that lady in my dream really did resemble Jaehee! The message became clear now. My Spirit actually wanted to wish Jaehee a happy birthday, so my consciousness and attention were brought towards her by projecting this dream on me!
HAPPY (BELATED) BIRTHDAY JAEHEE! 🎉🎉🎉 I guess we might have been strangers in real life, but I would like to thank you for all that you’ve done for Taenggu and always being so supportive of her! To know that Taenggu has such a real, close friend like you, I am so HAPPY!! 😄
Listen to: “陌生人 (Stranger)” by Tanya Chua 蔡健雅