Lyrics: “Not Alone” by Girls’ Generation + Reflections of My Year 2 Sem 2 in University in 2013 Plagued By My Onset Of Schizophrenia

“Not Alone” by Girls’ Generation
(English translated lyrics with individual parts)

[Tiffany] Have you ever, even now believed
That love matures with just one person
[Yoona] Even just wishing for it, I can’t do it well
[Yuri] But, still I know

[Taeyeon] Not Alone, Not Alone
Even if these feelings don’t have an “answer”
[Jessica] Not Alone
Even if all the love songs seem to disappear
[Sunny] I’m the flower that blooms for you
That’s right, I’m not alone

[SooYoung] Why am I still so afraid?
Was there also such a powerless me here?
[Hyoyeon] Reverting back to a child
I still can’t express my words
[Seohyun] I can’t move forward if its only a fairytale

[All] Not Alone, Hey Not Alone
[Sunny] To think of somebody
[All] Not Alone
[Taeyeon] The moment I found the truth
[Jessica] What should I call this feeling?
Precious things in me…

[Tiffany] Thank you, you gave me this strength
I’ll be there for you
[Seohyun] If I’m needed, I’ll always
Reach out with both hands
Life goes on…

[Jessica] Now I see, that’s right,
Because I wanted to try
[Taeyeon] Loving somebody forever and ever

[All] Not Alone, Not Alone
[SooYoung] Even in a place without lights
[All] Not Alone
[Sunny] Even with tears flowing ([Taeyeon] With tears flowing~)
[All] I’m the flower that blooms for you ([Tiffany] That’s right, I’m not… That’s right, I’m not…)
That’s right, I’m not… That’s right, I’m not…

[Jessica] Alone anymore Aah~

English translator: arghninja, SeraphKY, redsunset @soshified.com/forums
SOURCE

{Throwback to January-May 2013}

It had been a terrifying roller coaster ride ever since I discovered mysterious extraterrestrial voices appearing in Girls’ Generation (SNSD)’s performances when they made a comeback with I Got A Boy right from Day 1 of 2013. Was it a destiny or a misfortune? I felt myself getting sucked into this whole giant mystery of an unforeseen and unknown phenomena. Who were these voices? Spirits from another world? Aliens from outer space? The ignorant me who suddenly felt I was formidable and powerful thought I could fend them away and prevent them from causing a nuisance to SNSD all by myself without even knowing who and what they were.

Why am I still so afraid?
Was there also such a powerless me here?

Turned out I overestimated myself. I was still a vulnerable human being after all. Not long after my discovery of these strange voices, they became part of my life too. Wherever I went, I heard incessant chattering from another dimension (like a soft layer above our physical dimension) gossiping about me and constantly had strange sensation that many “eyes” were looking at me, as if I suddenly became famous overnight and “everybody” knew about me now. In reality, I was just an ordinary university student who had to travel to school to attend lectures and tutorials almost every day. Very soon, they affected my school life and my studies. Not only did they exist around me, they slowly became part of my head too. When I studied alone at home, I would read a certain text on my lecture notes and I could no longer hear my own inner voice but someone else’s voice in my mind reading the same text with me. No matter how many times I would repeat, the inner voice sounded so unfamiliar to me, sometimes it could be a lady speaking with an indian accent, sometimes a Caucasian, other times, a tone of an unarticulated Chinese old auntie. I was petrified. What was happening to me? I wished they could stop reading with me and give me back my good old inner voice. I needed no one to do everything with me. I preferred to be left alone to do what I needed to do. So please get out of my head. I just wanted to be myself.

But where did my inner self and voice go? I wasn’t me. I became many him’s and her’s. But where was ME?

Reverting back to a child
I still can’t express my words

It was my Year 2 Semester 2 in university. My exams were round the corner. Slowly I felt there was a boy inside of me. Accompanying him was always a super annoying voice of an auntie. She was stern and always asked the boy to stay by my side and study hard with me. But I didn’t think she was actually his mum, but she was more of like his nanny. I sympathized the boy. So I didn’t chase him away no matter how exasperated I was with the auntie who kept pestering and haunting me 24/7 everywhere I go, even in my shower. I wasn’t able to think maturely like the people of my age should have. I felt my level of thinking had degenerated to that of a small boy. How could I still take university exams with a level of thinking of a young little kid?

Thank you, you gave me this strength
I’ll be there for you
If I’m needed, I’ll always
Reach out with both hands
Life goes on…

The days of exams had finally come. On my first paper, my father gave me a ride to school. Still feeling afraid and powerless in this strange new world I had suddenly found myself in, with pestering voices and haunting sounds that surrounded me and the disturbing thoughts in my head, I was not sure how much more strength I still had left to move on. Lying on my back in the car trying to catch my breaths, SNSD’s Not Alone began playing at the back of my head.

🎶
NOT ALONE, NOT ALONE~
…..
ありがとう you gave me
この強さ くれたのよ
I’ll be there for you
🎶

This song mysteriously replayed in my mind as if to remind me that I wasn’t alone. SNSD would be there for me when I’m in trouble. Slowly I gained more strength as I stepped into the exam hall.

The moment I found the truth
What should I call this feeling?
Precious things in me…

A couple of months later, I was already on regular medication after getting diagnosed of schizophrenia and my condition had pretty much stabilized by now. My exam results came out. I did badly as compared to the previous semester, but still miraculously, I managed to get a pass.

Rather than being saddened by my deteriorating results, I was more worried for that little boy who studied and sat for the exams with me. I was worried he might get scolded or beaten by his “nanny” for his bad results. I was afraid he might feel demoralised. I wanted to comfort him and tell him that it is okay, he can always do better next time. But the boy was gone now. He was not heard or felt inside of me anymore. For a period of time, at least.

Was it just a dream? Who were they? Wake me up when the nightmare is over.

Not Alone, Not Alone
Even if these feelings don’t have an “answer”

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