Lyrics: “Everglow” by Coldplay + Reflections Of My Grad Trip in 2015 With Hopes Of Meeting My First Love Overseas

“Everglow” by Coldplay

oh they say people come, say people go
this particular diamond was extra special
and though you might be gone, and the world may not know
still I see you, celestial

like a lion you ran, a goddess you rolled
like an eagle you circled, in perfect purple
so how come things move on, how come cars don’t slow
when it feels like the end of my world
when I should but I can’t let you go?

but when I’m cold, cold
oh when I’m cold, cold
there’s a light that you give me when I’m in shadow
there’s a feeling you give me, an everglow

like brothers in blood, sisters who ride
and we swore on that night we’d be friends til we die
but the changing of winds, and the way waters flow
life as short as the falling of snow
and now I’m gonna miss you I know

but when I’m cold, cold
in water rolled, salt
I know that you’re with me and the way you will show
and you’re with me wherever I go
and you give me this feeling this everglow

oh- I I I I
what I wouldn’t give for just a moment to hold
yeah I live for this feeling this everglow

so if you love someone, you should let them know
oh the light that you left me will everglow
SOURCE

{Throwback to End Dec 2015 – Early Jan 2016}

After completing my final exams of my last semester in university in December 2015, I went on a 2-week grad trip with my friend Elaine travelling to Seoul, Okinawa and Tokyo. It was a crucial time with lots of uncertainties laying ahead of me. While what kind of career I would be heading for was still a big question mark, it was also time for me to confront my relationship with Taenggu which on its own was a giant mystery for me to tackle. I thought my grad trip would be the best chance for me to pluck up courage and meet the love of my life after one-sidedly thinking and acting like we had been together for almost one year. The days leading up to the day of my departure were filled with insecurities and fear of the unknown. Would Taenggu come to meet me privately somewhere? But where? Was it true that she could hear everything I had been whispering to her through my head all these while? Would she perhaps turn up and pick me up at the airport? And then we would probably have a meal at a café and have a good long chat (and I could finally get to hear what she says to me!). And then she would pack her luggage and fly away to Okinawa with me for a beach vacation. I held up my pinky and I believed she promised. She would keep her word and come meet me in person no matter how and when, right? I was full of hopes and anticipation. I knew it was almost impossible in reality. But my imagination kept running wild. I couldn’t help it at all.

And reality sucked indeed. Truth hurt big time. We never met. But she turned up secretly without her manager’s permission at a Christmas party her fan union organized on Christmas night, my second night in Seoul. She appeared on a few year-end music broadcast shows to perform with Girls’ Generation. I guess that was what she meant. The only way to meet her is through fan events, concerts and broadcast shows. But as a person who wasn’t so familiar with how the Kpop industry works and her schedules, and who thought of myself as a lover rather than just a fan, I didn’t think of that. I thought of her as a normal human being who could date like how lovers do. It was a huge contrast between expectation and reality. I was naïve, yes.

I took Taenggu’s failure to meet me in person during my trip as a sign of rejection and my dreams shattered. On most nights at our hotels, as I soaked myself under the shower in tears, I would put this song “Everglow” by Coldplay on repeat on my bluetooth speaker which I brought with me on the trip. At that time, Coldplay, my favourite English rock band since my teenage years, had just released their new album called “A Head Full Of Dreams”. Every song in this album was a gem to me, including “Everglow”. Especially at this time when I felt disappointed with Taenggu and the whole world, when I felt so small and insignificant, and my heart started to turn cold, the lyrics of this song became ever more meaningful.

oh they say people come, say people go
this particular diamond was extra special
and though you might be gone, and the world may not know
still I see you, celestial

Did I just hear my name? A word that is similar to my name? Was this song written for me? Why I felt like the song was talking about me? Yeah how small and insignificant I felt, yet I knew I was special. Yeah people come, people go. Would Taenggu be the next person to leave my life?

like a lion you ran, a goddess you rolled
like an eagle you circled, in perfect purple
so how come things move on, how come cars don’t slow
when it feels like the end of my world
when I should but I can’t let you go?

Was this the end to our fairytale? You, who didn’t come to meet me as promised. Was it time to move on and let you go? I should, but I couldn’t.

but when I’m cold, cold
oh when I’m cold, cold
there’s a light that you give me when I’m in shadow
there’s a feeling you give me, an everglow

When I felt abandoned and lost in the dark and hidden out of sight, would you be the light that leads me out of this tunnel?

like brothers in blood, sisters who ride
and we swore on that night we’d be friends til we die
but the changing of winds, and the way waters flow
life as short as the falling of snow
and now I’m gonna miss you I know

That Christmas night, when the clock struck midnight, light snow began to fall on the streets of Seoul. My very first brief encounter with snow, how great if you were there to share this moment with me. I wanted to see you, but where were you?

but when I’m cold, cold
in water rolled, salt
I know that you’re with me and the way you will show
and you’re with me wherever I go
and you give me this feeling this everglow

When I turned cold, as cold as this winter weather, when I turned my back away from you and resented you in silence, was your unwavering heart always staying by my side and never letting me go even when I tried to ignore you?

so if you love someone, you should let them know
oh the light that you left me will everglow

This second last line hit me hard. At that time when I was probably still too young to understand what love is, I blamed it all on Taenggu. If she really did love me, SHE should let ME know. So why was she not doing anything to let her love be conveyed to me directly? I thought her silence and indifference were an implication that she didn’t acknowledge us to be together as one. And so, after I returned from my grad trip, we shall go separate ways. She would lead her own celebrity life while I shall lead mine and get an ordinary office job which a typical society would expect of me.

It took me only another year later before, bit by bit, I began to understand that love isn’t entirely about how much your love gets reciprocated, but how much and how far I’m willing to give and sacrifice for the other person. I realized the younger me hadn’t done enough for her. If right from the start I was already so sure that she was THE ONE for me, then I could have done much more for her unconditionally if all I want was her unconditional love in return. Before I ask anything of others, I should ask of myself first. Were there too many words between us left unspoken, unwritten and unseen? If that was the issue, and if direct communication and contact were not an option, then I should keep on writing and writing here on this blog and everywhere else possible and do whatever I can till she and anyone of concern in this world understand me.

Because, if I love someone, I should let HER know.

I love you, 탱구야!

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