The tickets for ‘s… Taeyeon Concert in Singapore were released to the public for sale when I was away in Taiwan for family vacation between late Nov-early Dec last year. Despite so, I was lucky that I managed to find time at my hotel in Kaohsiung on the first day of public sale to purchase a ticket online. I got myself a pretty good seat located at one of the first few rows from the stage and the very first seat from the left. Everything took place really smoothly and hassle-free, much thanks to the good energy I experienced during my time in Taiwan.
About a month later, Taenggu was set to arrive in Singapore for the concert as scheduled. I must say, I had very much come to learn and adapt from my previous bad experience at Hallyu Pop Fest in September last year, the last time she was here in Singapore (read my previous experience at Concert Experience: Hallyu Pop Fest in Singapore – 手心手背都是肉，爱我还是她?) and was going to apply what I had learnt to this Singapore concert, should the same things happen. But little did I know that the situation would be different this time.
The last time when she came for Hallyu Pop Fest, she exited our Changi Airport via the CIP terminal. So most of the fans who were there at the airport in hopes of greeting and welcoming her didn’t get to see her at all, except for a black van which you could barely see the passengers inside. I thought it would be the same this time when she came again for her own solo concert too. I didn’t even think about fetching her at the airport now like I did last time. I’m sure many other Singapore fans were thinking the same way too. Most of us would have already given up the idea of going to the airport to welcome any idols because it is common for them to exit through the CIP terminal.
The night before her concert when she was expected to arrive, I went to meet my university friends to support our friend who was having a regular band performance at a pub in Clarke Quay together for the first time. I didn’t specifically plan our gathering to take place on that day but it just so happened that my friends had already pre-chosen that date during the last gathering when I wasn’t around. And I actually thought it would be fine for me to go as well since I felt that I wouldn’t have much to worry about overseeing her arrival at the airport since we (supposedly) wouldn’t get to see her anyway.
But I couldn’t help but to worry still. The music was loud. My friends and I were eating, chatting away and playing a “who got the different word” kind of guessing game. It was fun but I was also distracted. I kept checking my instagram and twitter every now and then to keep abreast of any updates on Taenggu’s arrival. At the same time, I kept hearing a strange female voice, pretty strong and loud, saying repeatedly in chinese in my head, “你总有一天一定会变的，你可以变的。(you will definitely change one day, you can change)” The way I interpret it, I think she meant that my love for Taenggu could change one day and I could fall in love with someone else. To which, I sternly responded, “No, I won’t!” (This is the same female voice which I would be hearing often during the concert the next day.)
I relied on Twitter to get some clues of her flight details and her expected time of arrival posted by other fans. There was also one misleading tweet that said Taenggu had already arrived and gone by the CIP terminal. Finally, at around 9.10pm, first photos of Taenggu at Changi Airport were seen circulating around the internet!
I was so surprised that she came out via the public arrival hall, instead of the CIP terminal that night!! Which was why she had some photos taken by the passionate fans who was patient and willing enough to wait and bet on the chance that she would come by the public route. But she seemed to look slightly agitated and was chewing on the container of gummies in her hands to ease her worries or uneasiness. Was it because I hadn’t gone to the airport to see and fetch her? Heh.
While I regretted slightly for not being there at the airport, a comforting voice in my head said, “Now she’s here to take care of you!”
I drank some beer at the pub. I wasn’t drunk but I started to feel sleepy. At around midnight, I shared a cab back home with another friend who lives around the same area. When I got back home and opened the door, I came to a sudden realization that no one was at home. I finally remembered, my mum and sis had gone to JB to stayover with my father for the weekend while my brother was away in Tianjin for a short getaway with his girlfriend. I finally was able to analyse the whole situation that I was being put into right now – I would be home alone for the entire weekend when Taenggu is coincidentally here in Singapore… Isn’t this a perfect opportunity for your underground lover to sneak into your house and spend quality time with you while your whole family isn’t at home? I couldn’t help but wonder and imagine how great it would be if Taenggu could come over to my house right now to spend the precious night with me. Was this a sneaky plan that was carefully plotted by Heaven too? Although in reality there was almost 0% chance she would do that, I felt that Heaven was presenting a chance for us to reunite and spend time together without anyone knowing and stopping us… Or really, no one would know? Was it a perfect chance to meet or a trap?
I might be thinking too much. I went to sleep with the lights on the whole night. The next morning, I headed to the post office to deliver a parcel that contained my first batch of Christmas cards, presents and some artworks to Taenggu. I couldn’t help but sigh at the irony of sending the parcel to Korea when the real Taenggu herself was actually here in Singapore today. It was also one of the lessons I learned from Hallyu Pop Fest – bringing a big carrot plushie to the concert with you didn’t guarantee I could get the chance to pass it to her personally as a gift. So to me, sending my presents all the way to her parents’ spectacle shop in Korea is the surest way I could get them to her hands, simply because I wasn’t aware of any other options (although I only realised later on that there was some local fan union which gathered fans’ gifts to pass them to Taenggu directly).
I came back home and got changed into another outfit which I would be going to the concert in. I could feel that sense of resistive energy over me, making my body feel so heavy and lethargic that I just wanted to lie down on my bed all day and not get up. Others might perceive this as being lazy or having the tendency to be late, but they just don’t understand how much resistance or “weight” there was on me that I had to go against. To me, it was caused by a spiritual effect that was preventing me from going to the concert or doing anything that I want to do to get closer to Taenggu.
As I lay down on my bed while the clock was ticking by closer to the concert start time, a voice which seemed to foresee the future said in excitement, “Yay! You are not late!”
The concert was scheduled to start at 6pm. I managed to garner enough energy to get out of my house, had an early dinner at the coffeeshop downstairs (because I learned from my experience in Lyrics: Bye + What If It Would Be My Last Goodbye To Taenggu not to go to a concert with an empty stomach) and set off to Singapore Expo around 4.30-ish. There were some hiccups along the way, little signs that an opposing energy was trying to delay my time, like my strap of my tote bag which I was carrying snapped apart halfway. Luckily, I managed to think of an idea to use the brooch pin on my jacket to fix it temporarily instead of detouring back to my house again to change another bag.
As Expo is located right at the furthest east of Singapore, it took about me about 1 hour 15 minutes to travel there by train. It was almost 6pm when I reached but there was still a huge crowd waiting to get inside the concert hall. I heard people complaining about how inefficient the security was. Seeing that there were only few minutes left before the concert was bound to start, the security eventually removed the barriers and let us all in quickly. The situation was a little chaotic but I somehow managed to ninja my way through the crowd easily (probably easier when I’m alone). And true enough, I was seated at my seat located at Section E, Row K, Seat no. 1 by 6pm – I wasn’t late!!
Not long after I took my selfies and posted them on Twitter while saying ‘Fighting’ to her to cheer her on, the lights dimmed and music began to play. As for the rest that happened during the concert, I had written them in bits and pieces on my Tumblr blog in the subsequent weeks in January following the concert.
You read the separate Tumblr posts below. These might not cover every single moment that happened during the concert but they were the more memorable and significant ones in sequence.
My concert experience this time was really different from my previous ones. There were a mix of all kinds of emotions rolled into one – happy, excited, sad, confused, even more confused, perplexed, mind-blank, stunned. One major issue I faced, as you read above, was that I kept feeling like whatever she said on stage were all directed to me as if she was speaking to me alone and no one else. Even when she said she didn’t like to talk about the past and would want to look forward to the future, I thought she was actually blaming me for always writing stories about what happened between us in the past, causing her to feel bitter about it. (Something must have been trying to brainwash and instill these illusional thoughts in my mind!!!)
Even after she left and was on her way to Changi Airport immediately, she made a new Instagram post and the in-built instagram english translation of her korean caption was soooooo misleading that I thought she was speaking directly to me again.
You can read it on my instagram post below. Click right to see the correct human translation of the caption.
View this post on Instagram
I wanna share this thing about Instagram own in-built translation function. I guess we all know that most of the time they are pretty inaccurate and misleading. But for this particular post from Taenggu, the translation was actually misleading in a comforting way. That night after her concert in SG last Saturday, when I was confused by what she said and certain moments that happened during the concert and was still in a daze, Taenggu posted this instagram post with caption in korean. Normally, I would just read the instagram translation to roughly understand what it means. But this particular translated text felt as if she was speaking directly to me. As if she was comforting and thanking me for still being with her despite feeling confused about what's real (which I indeed was). She even told me to go to sleep soon. How personal and heartwarming her "words" were! But later on when I checked the real translation from the human translator, I realised the meaning and direction of the text were actually kind of different. Bubble burst. 😝 This is a proof that it wasn't just my own illusions in my head. It was an illusion that came from inaccurate representation on social media. A world full of illusions. But how I wished she really did write such direct intimate texts like that to me! Hahaha. 😗 But then on hindsight, the real meaning of her words also shows that she was just as confused as me about trying to decipher what's real, isn't it? What voices did she hear? 🤔 #taeyeon #taenggu #태연 #탱구 #太妍 #泰妍 #泰古 #fakeversusreal #illusions
There was undoubtedly some very strange energy going on that night which was trying to instigate hatred and mistrust in me towards Taenggu yet again. Thankfully, I chose to believe in love this time.
But if there really was anything I ever heard her real voice say directly to me in my head after we parted our ways when she left the stage at the end, it was two words, “stay alive”.
Yes, these two golden words are gonna stay with me till I meet her one day.
Stay alive for love, dreams and hope. 💜💜💜