Love Diary: My Christmas Tree Present & Jonghyun’s Visit

18 December 2018

Ever since Taenggu posted a video of herself building and decorating a winter tree at her house in preparation for the upcoming Christmas Day and seeing how beautiful the tree looked at the end, I felt tempted to get a Christmas tree to display at home for myself too. At least a small one.

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🎅🏻 2018

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So I went online and purchased a cheap and small Christmas tree which I thought looked rather fine in the photos on the website. But when the item arrived at my house, I was so disappointed by how horrendously ugly it looked in reality.

My mum comforted me and said I should get it from our local physical stores instead if I really want a Christmas tree. Thereafter, we did look at a few options at a store in Bugis which we happened to pass by but didn’t get any. Another day or two later, my mum called to tell me that she saw a D.I.Y Christmas tree set on sale at a supermarket near her workplace. There was a sample of it on display that looked way better than the one I bought online. I said I want it but she didn’t / forgot to get it for me that day.

On 17th December, I was browsing through some of the posts by other Kpop fans on instagram when it suddenly dawned on me that it was going to be Jonghyun’s 1st death anniversary the next day! My intuition told me that I would need to write a special post about Jonghyun to include all the traces of evidence of his afterlife that I had collected over the past year and publish it on time on the next day.

So I did. I had it published some time before noon on 18th December, the day of his death anniversary. (Read the post at The Afterlife Of Jonghyun (1st Death Anniversary))

When I went out for lunch, a voice in my head seemed to be asking me for what I want. My mind intuitively replied, “I want a Christmas tree.”

When I knocked off from work later that evening, I made a routine phone call to my mum as per usual as I exited my office and made my way to the train station. She picked up and told me that she has just bought the D.I.Y Christmas tree set for me! I was soooo excited.

I went back home to take a look at it and realised the product was imported from Korea! It even had Korean words written all over the box. I couldn’t help but think that this had something to do with Jonghyun. He probably had helped to give my mum an extra nudge to remind her to get this Christmas tree set for me for real this time!

I originally planned to go to the stadium for a jog with my mum. But when we went downstairs, she said she would exercise at a fitness corner nearby instead and told me to go ahead to the stadium myself. I said okay unsuspectingly.

I reached the stadium and was about to begin my run. But there was one thing VERY strange that I noticed about the people at the stadium that night. Literally everyone was walking around the track, instead of running as they usually would. Most of them were very relaxed and just taking it easy. Some were just there walking with their buddy side by side, happily chatting away. I felt as if I was the only person who was jogging that night. I felt more relaxed as I didn’t have to feel stressed or pressurised if anyone who was running at a faster speed overtook me as I always did because everyone was just walking and slower than me that night.

After jogging a few rounds, I went back home alone. As I took out my keys to open the door, I heard a little crinkling sound behind the door. I opened it and it was pitch dark inside. My mum wasn’t back home yet. I suddenly felt like I had “fallen into a trap”. I suddenly remembered it was Jonghyun’s death anniversary today. I suddenly had a feeling that he might be here to visit on this special day. Voices in my head were like, “He’s here! He’s here! He wanted to help open the door.” I started to feel a little scared and anxious.

Not saying a thing, I went around and switched on most of the lights in the house. When I came to the kitchen, I switched on only 2 out of the 3 lights and was about to enter the bathroom to wash my feet when I heard a click of the light switch from behind. I froze for a moment. When I finally gathered my courage, I looked behind me. The 3rd light was switched on now. “Must be Jonghyun who knows that I must have been afraid of the dark,” I thought. But my mind was blank and I didn’t know what to say. Keeping quiet, I washed my feet and then went to the fridge to get a drink. And there I stood under the 3rd light drinking my drink for a silent moment while feeling the presence of him here.

Then, there were sounds of the keys at the door. My mum was back. I heard a light tapping sound of the kitchen window. I perceived it as a signal that he was quickly making his leave to avoid my mum.

I didn’t breathe a word about what just happened to my mum after that. And my memory started to fade a little and I began to feel unsure if I had actually switched on all the 3 lights myself or only 2 at the start.

Later on, I decided to spend the rest of the night meaningfully by setting up the Christmas tree and decorating it right away (lazy me initially thought I would wait a day or two later to do it).

This was how my tree looked like at the end. I did it all by myself with a great sense of accomplishment.

I decided to display it on the tv console in our living room. SO happy to have it light up our living room in the dark at night from now on!

And so happy that I have a similar sized Christmas tree like the one Jonghyun gave Taenggu as a present a few years ago.

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마지막공연날이네요 메리크리스마스

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Thank you Jonghyun, thanks for paying me a visit that night! I will always remember to light up this Christmas tree every night for you! <3

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