“Bye” by Taeyeon (Mr. Go OST)
I wasn’t even ready,
But you are before my eyes, about to leave
I couldn’t say anything so I just waved
So long, I wave, toward the shining you
Goodbye my love, my precious person
You always warmly hugged me
I fill my eyes with you as I say goodbye
I look at you a little bit more as I say goodbye
I hope you will be happy
I hope you will always be a shining person
Goodbye with a smile, let’s be a bit stronger
Goodbye now, so long now
Goodbye my love, my precious person
You always warmly hugged me
I fill my eyes with you as I say goodbye
With a bright smile
Goodbye, so long my precious person
You, who beautifully dazzled and shined on me
Goodbye my love, as I look at you, goodbye
As I look at you a little more, goodbye
This was another song of inspiration I had from my recent Korea trip besides LYRICS: “叶子” BY 阿桑 (“LEAVES” BY A-SUN) + REFLECTIONS OF MY WINTER TRIP TO KOREA 2017, especially after going to Taenggu’s The Magic Of Christmas Time concert on 24th December.
As I had mentioned in that previous post about the reflections of my trip, it turned out to be the most painful concert I had ever been to. It seemed like I already sensed a bad omen a few days before my trip. Especially after Jonghyun’s death on 18th Dec, I often sensed an energy trying to chop off my legs. I took it as a signal from the spiritual world advising me not to embark on this trip to Korea. Many fans also wondered if Taenggu’s concerts would be cancelled because of Jonghyun’s death. There was one point of time I even told Taenggu it would be fine with me if she chose to cancel her concerts. Secretly in my heart, I thought, if that’s the case, then I would not have to go through the pain too. But a voice replied, “But the show has to go on.” With my concert ticket and flight already booked and everything else already planned, it was also unlikely for me to cancel my trip at such a late notice. So I stubbornly still went ahead.
My trip was indeed filled with obstacles everywhere. On the night of 23rd December, I took an overnight flight to Seoul. On the plane, I could feel my body heating up, as if spiritually “someone” was preparing my body to get ready for the cold winter in Korea. At around 6am, I arrived in Seoul as scheduled. After that, the sky became gloomy and started raining non-stop for the entire morning. To shelter ourselves and our luggages from the heavy rain, my friends and I were stuck for a long time in a cafe near our airbnb in Itaewon which didn’t serve any food except coffee. In the afternoon, the rain finally got lighter and we decided to pull our luggages with an umbrella on the other hand and walk to our airbnb in the rain. But the route to our apartment was a long and difficult one – there were many upslopes and stairs. Along the way, we tried to flag for some taxis to fetch us to our place, but none would stop to pick us up. Without any other choice, we climbed up and down with our luggages by foot. By the time we made it to our apartment, we were all exhausted from our overnight flight and the physical energy we had to exert to make it there. It was already about 2pm and Taenggu’s concert was due to start at 4pm. I barely had time to rest and eat anything before I had to set off again for the concert on my own. But first, I had to go to a cafe somewhere near to the concert venue to retrieve my ticket. There was still a light drizzle but at that point of time, I didn’t bother to carry my umbrella anymore. I walked to the cafe from the train station in the rain, got my ticket, took a bus to the foot of a hill slope, met a fellow Singaporean fan who happened to ask me for directions, climbed up this unexpected super steep hill slope together… I was panting and out of breath. It seemed like Heaven was trying to do all it could to stop me from going to the concert, but I was stubborn enough to push through all odds to get myself there because all I wanted was to see Taenggu. But by the time we reached the entrance of Kyunghee University Hall of Peace, I was already so tired, so breathless, so hungry and kinda angry. “I am so done with this”, I thought.
But that wasn’t the end yet. I gathered my breath and went inside the concert hall just a couple of minutes before her concert started. That was when I realised my seat was at the highest 3rd floor, at the very last row. My heart was broken. I bought the ticket through a ticket resale market at a much higher price and I didn’t have the information of the exact seat number except that it was on the 3rd floor till the day itself. I was literally sitting at “the top of the world”; it was the furthest I had ever gotten myself to Taenggu at a concert. I really had enough. By the time the curtains opened and Taenggu revealed herself to sing her first song in the setlist, I didn’t have the mood to sing along with her anymore as originally planned. I wasn’t happy; I wasn’t excited. Tears started streaming down my face, I had to wipe them away continuously with my scarf. It was such a pain watching her from afar and seeing her look seemingly nonchalant. I tried to sing along with her once in a while, but my heart was simply too heavy to continue. I wasn’t there to hear her sing anymore. I wished she could come forward and speak to me. But during her talk segment, when she was talking to everyone in the hall, although I might not understand what she was saying in Korean, her words still somehow pierced through my heart (probably because I knew that her words were directed to her fans, not to me). Many times I felt like leaving the concert halfway so much. And I did – but to the toilet to cry for good. But practically thinking about how much I had paid for the concert, I went back again after awhile. I was again stubborn enough to sit through all these pain till the end.
At the end of the concert, Taenggu was about to make her leave for the very last time. “Let’s try to be happy and wave goodbye to each other,” I thought. So I kept waving at her, not taking my eyes off her for a second, feeling like it was going to be our last goodbye.
A few days after the concert, I started to think if there was any song that I know of that is about bidding goodbye to a loved one, and Taenggu’s Bye eventually came into my mind. It was an OST track she sang for the movie “Mr. Go” in 2013 before we got together officially in 2015. I took a look at the lyrics translation and found the song fit perfectly with the situation we had waving goodbye to each other at the end of the concert.
This song was released in the same year when Taenggu and I first got spiritually connected together after the I Got A Boy comeback. At that time, I might not be able to fully grasp the meaning of the song yet, but after Taenggu’s christmas concert, I could physically connect with it now.
How many goodbyes have we been through together (after we were attached) so far? If we were talking about concerts, it was 4 times – first time was SNSD Phantasia concert in Taipei, second time Taenggu’s Butterfly Kiss in Busan, third time Taenggu’s The Magic Of Christmas Time in Seoul and the most recent fourth one was K-Wave 2 in Kuala Lumpur. Notice that all these concerts were overseas! And each time, the feeling and experience of saying goodbye were different.
Would the heartbreaking christmas concert in Seoul be our last time meeting each other? Would it really be our last goodbye without saying a word? But Heaven was smart. Even before I bought the ticket to Taenggu’s christmas concert, I had already purchased a ticket to K-Wave 2 concert in KL, which would take place less than a month later. Before going to KL, I hesitated too. Should I travel to watch her and go through the same pain again? In the end, I went. And thankfully, it was a much more pleasant and joyous meeting this time. This time in KL, it wasn’t a goodbye, but it felt more like a hello again.
Check out my following instagram posts for my stories about saying goodbye to Taenggu at her concerts in bite pieces.
That day, 24th Dec, I arrived in Seoul after an overnight flight from Singapore, lugged my luggage up and down hill slopes to check in to my hotel, then rushed off to a cafe in Hoegi to collect my ticket and climbed a super steep hill in the drizzling rain before I finally reached Kyunghee University Hall of Peace. I was already so tired, so breathless, so hungry and kinda angry. I went inside the hall a few minutes before 4pm. Went to the 3rd floor only to find that my seat was at the highest and very last row. I sat down and before I could catch my breath, the concert started right away. Because of my tiredness and frustration with my situation, I was unable to enjoy the concert as comfortably as I wished. But what more could I say with all these disappointment? At least I managed to get a few overexposed photos of her on stage waving at me and some from the big screen at the end of the concert. At the end of it all, was it worth it? Because it was Kim Taenggu, I guess I still had to say it was a… yes. #taeyeon #taenggu #태연 #탱구 #themagicofchristmastime #concert #korea #seoul #painofafan
Clear photo shots from 1st/2nd floor of Taenggu waving at my direction versus my own low quality shot from my seat at the highest and very last row at the 3rd floor of the concert hall (last pic). How could I be watching my 자기야 from so far away?! 😭 But what was she holding in her left hand anyway?? ㅋㅋ #taeyeon #taenggu #태연 #탱구 #themagicofchristmastime #concert #korea #seoul #painofafan
How difficult was it to say goodbye? Waving to each other, she tried not to look in my direction, tears welling up in her eyes. Was it not okay to take a little peek? But I continued waving at her, not stopping, not taking my eyes off her for a second. What if it was going to be our last goodbye? The lyrics of "Bye" by Taeyeon fits perfectly how both of us were feeling at that very moment as we were about to part our ways with each other again after a concert. So near yet so far. Goodbye my love. Till we meet again in KL next year. #taeyeon #taenggu #태연 #탱구 #bye #lyrics #ost #themagicofchristmastime #concert #moon #brightstar #seoul
How many goodbyes had we been through together? The first time I went to watch her concert overseas, I was also on a vacation with a group of friends in Taiwan in 2016. I went to watch her on the first day of SNSD Phantasia concert in Taipei alone. At that time, I went to the concert calmly with much lower expectations after having gone through the pain of my Korea trip in 2015. After the concert ended, I also left silently and recorded a short video message to say goodbye. That night, she posted this photo on her Snapchat. I guess she was trying to tell me to stay strong for her. 2 days later, after I took the flight back to Singapore, she was also about to leave Taiwan to fly back to Seoul. Visibly, she looked like she was in a melancholy mood, talking to herself as if she was talking to me and looking tired at the airport. At least it comforted me a little back then to know that she wasn't having a good time either just letting me go like that. #taeyeon #taenggu #태연 #탱구 #goodbyes #concert #phantasia #taipei #snsd #girlsgeneration #소녀시대
The second time I went overseas to watch Taenggu's concert was during her final Butterfly Kiss concert in Busan in 2016. You could say, this time I attended the concert without any expectation at all. Because I had no expectation that she would probably come forward to meet me, there was no disappointment. Even though I guessed that she could hear me from afar on the stage if I were to speak, I kept silent because I simply didn't know what to say to her too. But I sang along with her to every single song in the setlist throughout the concert while waving my pink lightstick. Even this last impromptu bit of UR, I sang along with her too. I wanted to keep my promise that I would do mind-singing for her live from the audience seat too. It was only up till this very end of the concert, when I knew for sure that she was going to leave, I managed to bring myself to say "가지마, 가지마… (Don't go, don't go)" I guessed she heard me. But still, she left. She had to. I didn't know what to do. Should I just stay just a little? But I thought to myself, it probably didn't really matter if I waited or not because I didn't think she would come out again just for me. So I left with the rest of the crowd to meet my sister who was waiting for me nearby for dinner. Later on after I left, I found out that she came out in a car with the window winded down, waving goodbye to the waiting fans outside the concert hall. I regretted. Had I waited just a little I would have caught a last glimpse of her just to say goodbye to each other. I believed this was the best she wanted to do for me before we parted our ways again without a word. But I missed that moment. 💔 Our second last goodbye. When I didn't think I was important to her at all. #taeyeon #taenggu #태연 #탱구 #goodbye #concert #butterflykiss #busan #korea #mindsinging
My lady boss 😍 Taenggu is rocking her dashing cool looks with a big boss aura. In the old days, we would call her a king. In modern days, we would call her the big boss. Even she herself admitted she's bossy in the vlive video. ㅋㅋㅋ If I were to have a lady boss like her who is cool, cute and kind, I don't mind doing anything for her. The truth is, I think she was actually worried for me who was still watching the K-Wave 2 concert in KL alone while she was already at the airport about to fly back to Seoul right after she was done performing. She must have been worried if I was aware that she already left and if I was coping well emotionally. I was indeed not feeling well after the concert. I caught a cold and my head was heavy. The next morning when she arrived back in Seoul, I was still in deep sleep. Anyway, my concert experience in KL this time was much better than what I had gone through during her Christmas concert in Seoul last month. I watched her comfortably from my seat at the hardcore zone that had a really good view of the stage. This time, it wasn't a goodbye but a hello again 💜💜💜 . When will be our next time to say hello again?? 😘 다시 안녕 👋 Video credits: xo_taeny.ss, _taeyeonfanpage, taeyeon_ss #taeyeon #taenggu #태연 #탱구 #ladybosstaeng #bossytaeng #kwave2 #concert #kualalumpur #airport #다시안녕 #curtaincall
I may write about all my past concert experiences with Taenggu in the future when I have time. It was all about adjusting myself emotionally to her. But for now, I shall await for the next chance to say hello to her again. 다시 안녕 👋