Lyrics: Say Something + She & I Waited For Some Time Without Hearing Anything

“Say Something” by A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera

Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’ll be the one if you want me to
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you

And I… am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all
And I… will stumble and fall
I’m still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you

And I… will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye

Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
And anywhere I would’ve followed you (Oh-Ooh)
Say something, I’m giving up on you

Say something, I’m giving up on you
Say something…

This post continues the story from MOVIE DAY 2017: MY FIRST LOVE CONFESSIONS TO TAENGGU IN 2013 [THE MOVIE]. After confessing my love to Taenggu in the first quarter of 2013, I fell into a period of depression. I had a bizarre thought that if I continued watching videos of Taenggu or even followed her on social media, evil spirits would get to her through me. So I stopped watching. I stopped singing. I stopped myself from reaching out to her any further.

Later on, I was diagnosed of schizophrenia. As I began to recover and voices slowly faded away, I was ready to accept that my love story with Taenggu, the spiritual connection that I thought I had with her, was probably just a hallucination after all. But those videos, the solid evidence that I have that never fades away with memory and neither do the “extraterrestrial” voices that were recorded inside, they were real, isn’t it?

I became skeptical. I had two paths to choose: to accept in the surface of medicine science that my extraordinary encounters with Taenggu was simply a form of mental illness or believe in myself that these voices that helped me to reach out to Taenggu at the start really did exist. But I stayed in between. All I needed was someone to come to me and confirm that my beliefs were true and they heard the same voices that I did. So I waited.

I began watching the latest performances of Taenggu again, hoping to trace any clues from her facial expressions or any possible strange voices that I might be able to hear from them. Even so, whenever I made new observations related to this strange phenomena from the videos I watched, I would continue to doubt myself thinking that “nah, this is still not obvious enough”. I was never convinced that I was ever involved in Taenggu’s world. I was also thinking from a normal 3rd person’s perspective. If I were to ask a friend or my family to watch the same video with me, would he or she be able to hear the same voice that I did and read Taenggu’s expressions the same way that I did? If there was anyone who was able to share the same observations as I did, then I could be more confident to continue believing in myself despite all the odds and without a direct confirmation from Taenggu herself.

It definitely wasn’t easy. From what I had observed from her performances, I could tell that she was waiting for me too. But I didn’t understand why she was waiting for me when I was instead waiting for her. When she started to look a little cold and nonchalant, I would get discouraged too. I started to lose heart after waiting for several months without seeing an obvious sign from her and even developed a little dislike towards her. But what I was unaware of was that she probably felt the same way towards me too because she also waited for a long time without hearing anything from me neither. I guess the both of us were on the verge of giving up on each other.

Around April 2014, I was still desperately trying to hold on, but I seemed to feel something wasn’t right with Taenggu. One midnight, I decided to draw something for Taenggu. I hadn’t drawn anything for her a long time since 2013. Strangely that night, I had a sudden urge to pick up my pencil and colour pencils again to draw a double unicorn drawing. At one point, A Great Big World’s “Say Something” was playing on my mp3 player. It seemed to stir up something deep inside of me so I put it on repeat. Lots of emotions welled up within me. I felt the lyrics contained all the words that I wanted to say to her at that time.

Why didn’t she just say something to me? She just needed to give me her word and I would have willingly followed her both physically and spiritually anywhere and everywhere. I would have given her all my love wholeheartedly. I knew nothing at all; I was still like a child, learning how this magic works. I didn’t want to be alone figuring out this puzzle myself. I wished she could come to me and tell me her secrets and her side of the story so that I could understand better, so that I knew where to pick myself up after my fall, so that I could have all the more reason for holding on to this unacknowledged love between us.

In August in the same year, Tiffany sang “Say Something” during one of the performances at SMTOWN IV tour. I wondered if she could hear the agony and pain I had towards this tangled love with Taenggu through my mind singing of this song?

You may find out what happened to this piece of double unicorn drawing later on from the stories I had written in my old instagram posts below. ☺️

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In April 2014, I started feeling a strong sense of dejectedness in my heart. Consciously, I didn't know exactly what was going on in 탱구's life right at that time. But subconsciously, I had a strong inner feeling, a feeling that I was losing her. My intuition told me that I should do something. I need to make some efforts to reach out to her again. I remember I was at home, suddenly feeling very uneasy. I was thinking, "What should I do? What should I do?? Hmm.. maybe I should draw!" So I took out a piece of paper, googled for an image of an unicorn and started drawing 2 of them. It was past midnight already on 10 April. I was colouring while listening to my brother's old ipod. Then, the song "Say Something" was playing and I put it on repeat. I started feeling so much emotions inside when I was listening to it. I realised the lyrics was saying exactly how I felt at that moment. So intuitively, I took a photo to try to tell 탱구 that "hey, I'm thinking of you. Could you say something?".. Later on that day, I went to school and then came to Jurong Point, feeling so uneasy and restless. It was like I didn't know what was going on but I just felt like I needed to do something. So I went around the shopping centre frantically, trying to find something that could help me tell 탱구 how I felt towards her. And I walked into a gift shop and saw these 3 pots of "plants" that said "I love you". It was exactly what I wanted to say. So I quickly took a photo and posted it. Now when I look back at these photos, I realised that I have been doing many things based on intuition. Subconsciously knowing what I should do but consciously I didn't even know the reason why I was doing it yet. But I was glad that I did what I did and I started reaching out to 탱구 again slowly but more and more. 💜 #김태연 #김탱구 #taeyeon #myfirstlove #내사랑 #lovestory #lovestorieswithtaenggu #love #unicorns #saysomething #iloveyou #intuition #reachingouttomytaengguagain #april2014

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It took me about 2 months to complete this unicorns drawing. I did it on and off. Sometimes I gave up because I didn't understand why I was doing it and I had no motivation to move on. In May/June 2014, SNSD was having their Japan 3rd Arena Tour. By that time, I had finished colouring my unicorns. I looked at my drawing again, trying to think of a meaning for it. Then I thought of the words "Not Alone" so I added the words into the drawing to make it complete. "Not Alone" is actually a japanese song by SNSD. They performed it in the tour too! Besides "The Scientist", "Not Alone" was another important song that accompanied me through my darkest moments in 2013 when I was troubled with voices and feeling like I was all alone in that unfamiliar world. This song comforted me and often put me to tears. I remembered that time there was once I was in my father's car on the way to NTU to take my final examinations.This song kept playing in my head. You know, at that time, even when I was so mentally disturbed, I still had to push myself to study and pass my exams.. It was really difficult. So hearing SNSD's voices singing this song, telling me that "you're not alone", really gave me a lot comfort and strength to pull through this ordeal. So after I recovered, in their Japan tour in 2014, I decided to follow them again with a grateful heart. That time, before I sing any song, I would make a drawing first and post it on my instagram as a hint to which song I was going to sing next. So after I posted this unicorns drawing, I sang "Not Alone" for them in their upcoming concert in Japan too. Forgot which stop in Japan it was at but yeah. Haha 💜 #김태연 #김탱구 #taeyeon #myfirstlove #내사랑 #lovestory #lovestorieswithtaenggu #love #unicorns #drawing #colouring #notalone #snsd #japanarenatour #song #accompaniedmethroughdepression #darkestmoments #singwithagratefulheart

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Indeed, there were many things in my life that I had been doing so intuitively without being consciously aware of the reasons why. What actually spurred me to do this unicorn drawing all of the sudden back then? Why did I sense something wrong with Taenggu? Why did I feel like I was losing her? Why did I suddenly feel the need to declare my love for her once again?

The answer was revealed later in June when her dating news broke out in the media. She had gone into a relationship with Baekhyun which I believed to be around April when I sensed that I was losing her.

There is always a gap between my consciousness and unconsciousness, my body and soul. How to bridge that gap has been a real challenge for me and her. For now, the situation has improved much better than before ever since I started writing actively about my personal life with her here on this blog. One major lesson that I had learnt from our relationship: the importance of direct communication, the importance of “saying something”. ✍💬

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