Not Coincidence, It’s Destiny (Warning: Rantings Ahead)

Quoted from “Only Love Is Real” by Dr Brian Weiss,

“There are no coincidences in love.”

“…you may be awakened to the presence of your soul companion by a look, a dream, a memory or a feeling. Finding and reuniting with your soulmate will bring you profound bliss and happiness, safe in the knowledge that you are together always, to the end of time.”


When I think back upon my very first encounter with Taenggu or the very first time I actually came to know about this girl group leader named Kim Taeyeon, it was kind of special. My first impression of her wasn’t actually a pleasant one. No, it wasn’t from listening to her songs. No, it wasn’t from watching her MVs. No, it wasn’t from seeing her photos. How I actually had my first impression of her, or at least her name – read MY NOT-SO-GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION OF TAENGGU.

Although I didn’t like her at first, there always seemed to be something at the back of my head telling me she wasn’t really how she looked like on the surface to me and pushing me to know her further and deeper inside. (Note: I was very perfectly, mentally normal back then. I didn’t hear voices yet.) You could say, it was my intuition. A gut feeling.

I guess our fate is profound, or should I say, it is her world that is profound and complex. Sometimes, especially before I started writing this blog, I used to hear voices saying “Your love is so profound.” It could be Taenggu thinking why I had been keeping so much of my love towards her inside of me all these while and not openly expressing it to her. But I wanted to say that the reverse is true too. Taenggu’s love is so profound too. Yeah, it’s really been difficult for me to have to always be reading between her lines. Yeah, it’s been hard for me to have to always be guessing what was going on in her mind. (Quotes a voice: It’s a guessing game…) Yeah, it’s not easy for me to always look at her face and feel her emotions inside. I wished my love life could be made easier too. If she could just tell me everything directly, then voilà, the whole load of weight in my heart could be lifted right away. It isn’t as simple as just understanding her heart. I need to understand her situation too. And that’s the problem – exactly what kind of situation has she been put through? That’s the important question I always wanted to ask all these years. Was it the nature of her work, her contract, the rules that tied her down from getting into contact with ordinary people (I mean those not in the entertainment industry) and even the love of her life? I wished I could know more so that I could empathise with her and even help her too. Yeah, I might know a little something about her situation, but I also want to be told and confirmed by her or at least someone related to her that, yes, this is true.

Maybe that’s what soulmates are supposed to do for each other. Without a specific reason, I just seem to be able to feel and understand her heart well naturally. I believe she could understand me the same too. Just that there is a gap in my heart right now – the lack of logical and factual answers and evidence as to what’s been keeping her from contacting me. As I used to say before, I’m actually 50% logical and practical, 50% imaginative and creative. I am not totally happy if people tell me that hey, that’s just your imagination / you’re escaping the reality. Yes, I do acknowledge some elements of fantasy in my artworks and writings, but I would very much enjoy some REAL, PHYSICAL, DIRECT, FACTUAL stuff too. Isn’t it ridiculous to me that almost everything that I shared here on this blog except for the posts in Category: Daydreams & Confessions were all based on my true stories that I personally experienced, yet people tell me it’s all just a fantasy? I had to resort to doing all these fantastical stuff and ended up to be belittled as just a… fan.

Okay, what was supposed to be a post to share my favourite quotes from the book “Only Love Is Real” ended up to be a post full of my rantings. I guess I just needed to vent my frustrations somewhere. To put it clear, I never wanted to doubt Taenggu’s love for me – I wished I never have to. But I know there is something really wrong. I need to know what is going on in reality too – what exactly has been keeping us physically apart from each other.

Well… I have to continue searching for evidence then. Kthxbye.

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