“Fall in love with somebody who will never let you go to sleep wondering if you still matter.”
These days, I’ve been going to bed wondering if Taenggu is going to sleep with me at the same time too. There were many instances when I had already fallen asleep and the next morning I would wake up to see a new instagram post from her which was posted way past midnight. It makes me wonder if we haven’t been going to bed together like we used to and worry if she has been having trouble falling asleep these days.
On this night, before I went to bed, I left her a usual good night message on Twitter and this time, I asked her to go to sleep early with me. On my bed, I cuddled my Bobo to sleep together, feeling comfortable as if I could feel Taenggu’s presence from within.
Next morning, I woke up to see an instagram new post notification from Taenggu again which was sent late after midnight. Although I was a little disappointed that she was still awake after I was already asleep, I clicked to see her new post.
Her pouting lips in the photo and the medic helmet emoticon she used in her caption seemed to hinting at something to me. My own interpretation was, she has been curing, healing and taking care of me by my side affectionately like a medic to make sure I would fall asleep comfortably before she does, which might explain why she has been going to sleep later than I do these days. She actually cares for me (to the extent of sacrificing her sleep) much more than I think she does!
As if the universe was further validating my thought, awhile later that morning, as I opened to read an email from Tumblr, it contained the above quote which says “Fall in love with somebody who will never let you go to sleep wondering if you still matter.” It was synchronicity at work again! It was as if it was referring to Taenggu who has been trying her best not to let me go to sleep without making me feel loved.
I guess it was an adjustment she made since the incident I mentioned in the post FOR SEOHYUN: SEOHYUN HOPPS when I almost had a panic attack after realising Taenggu had already gone to sleep before I did.
It has been a dilemma to me for a long time. I always hope that we can sleep together at the same time. But the problem is I don’t know exactly what time she usually sleeps. And physically, we live in different timezones too. If I sleep at 12am, then it would already be 1am in Korea, which might be too late for her. It isn’t like I always want her to sleep late with me all the time. Sometimes if I knew I would be going to bed really late, in this case I would want her to go to sleep first without me as long as I was well-informed. Many times, I really wished I could see what she was doing – whether she was already asleep, going to sleep or staying up late at night to do something she needed to do – just to have a peace of mind that she was doing fine.
It makes me think about how our roles have changed over these 2-3 years. In 2015, it used to be me coming to her every night to hug her, kiss her and make sure she fell asleep before I walked away to do my own things because I didn’t think I mattered so much to her. In 2016, I still tried to do the same but I was often too tired because of my full-time day job to show enough deep affection for her till eventually a voice said I was like a robot. Now, in 2017, she turns around and does the same thing to me in return.
Our roles have now become reversible. There are times when I need her more and other times she needs me more. Ultimately, I just want to sleep comfortably with her and dream the same dream. 영원히 너와 꿈꾸고 싶다! <3
P.S. I can't really see how she looks like when she sleeps with me every night but the below photo gives me a "preview" of how she actually sleeps like a cute baby angel in real life! Keke 😍