Memories: Sending My First Parcel To Taenggu

{Throwback to 24-29 December 2015 when I was on a holiday in Seoul}

Since I talked about delivering parcels in my previous post THE “EVERYTHING I DO, I DO IT FOR YOU” DREAM, let me recount how my first experience of sending a parcel to Taenggu was like. It was actually a rather nerve-wrecking one.

I was in Seoul for 5 days of my grad trip during the christmas season. Before my trip, I specially made a christmas present for Taenggu and some christmas cards for the other girls of SNSD, in hopes of giving them to her on christmas day, but I had no idea when and where I could meet her. After the emotional trauma and disappointment I had of failing to meet her on christmas day, I suffered a relapse of schizophrenia and had been emotionally unstable for days.

On 27 December, I was in a cafe in Paju, staring at those presents, wondering what I should do with them. I had already lost my hope of meeting Taenggu to pass them to her personally, but I didn’t want to take them back home with me. I needed to find a way to pass them to her somehow. Then, an idea struck me – I could mail them to her instead. I went online to look for her address and the only address which I could find that was related to her was her father’s spectacle shop, Eyebis, in her hometown of Jeonju. So I decided that I would mail the presents at a local post office to this address before I left Korea.

The following are the photos of my christmas present for Taenggu taken at that cafe. I bought this notebook for her because the words on the cover reminded me of her. I then decorated some of the internal pages with paper cuts along with some words that I wanted to say to her. Now that I look at them again, I find them rather silly. Heh. 😝

And below is one of the 8 christmas cards which I made for all SNSD members, including Taenggu (taken from my instagram). I specially wrote a message for each of them too.

The xmas cards that I finally finished before I leave seoul. Late but still, merry xmas!! 🎄

A post shared by Celeste Koh (@invariantceleste) on

On 29 December, which was also our monthsary, I was about to leave Korea to my next destination, Okinawa. At that time, I was still feeling unhappy and bitter with Taenggu and about my situation. But eventually my heart already softened by then and started “talking” to her again inside. I was going to bring “her” to Okinawa with me but I couldn’t remember if I did tell her about sending a parcel to her. I probably wanted to keep silent about it. I wasn’t sure if she could really hear me anyway. Before my flight, I went to the post office at Incheon Airport. I was really nervous. It was the first time ever in my life that I was doing such a thing for any idols, what’s more, in a foreign place. And I had an awkward identity between an unacknowledged girlfriend and a fan. I felt so stupid about doing these things but I knew I had to pull myself through this. I was totally new to how the mailing process worked in Korea. I had to fill up a form filled with Korean words which I couldn’t understand and most of the staff there only understood little or no English. When they saw the name on the parcel was directed to Taeyeon, they were like “Oh Taeyeon! Taeyeon!” which made me even more awkward. My hands were trembling like mad but I had to keep calm. It turned out that the address which I gave them was also not complete, but luckily, a lady was kind and patient enough to check it up for me. After a longer-than-expected, nerve-wrecking process, the parcel was finally sent out.

After that, I didn’t mention to Taenggu explicitly anywhere on social media about the parcel that I had sent her and where it was sent to. Later on in 2016, I continued to send her a couple more parcels once every few months from Singapore, also without writing about it on social media. I guess my attitude had grown even more pessimistic after the bad incident on christmas day. I thought I would just do everything in the dark and let Heaven decide if she would eventually see them knocking on her door out of the blue.

Almost 2 years have passed since then. Now my mindset and attitude have definitely changed for the better. I am more open and motivated about sending parcels to her these days. After all, there’s nothing really shameful about doing such things for her, right?

In the post THE “EVERYTHING I DO, I DO IT FOR YOU” DREAM, I mentioned about going to deliver a parcel to Taenggu on an oBike to the post office last Saturday. And I did it! I guess I will be doing the same for all my future deliveries too – sending my parcels to Taenggu like a postwoman! 😆❤️

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