How much time had actually passed
Before my true words finally found their way to you?
And at that moment when you heard them in your ears
Before you could give your reply
What if my thinking had already changed
And I was no longer waiting for your answer?
How much time did it take
For your words to travel back to me
So that I could be certain of what you wanted
Be assured I was doing the things as you wished
Not walking in the opposite direction of your path
So that we would be heading towards the same destination together?
In the time lapse between me and you
How many times were you reliving in the moments of my past
While I was already contemplating moments of your future
And vice versa?
Was there a specific instant in time
When we were enjoying the same moment at the same time and space together?
Let me know
Because my desire is to live in the same moment as you
The idea for this poem was triggered by Taenggu’s recent instagram post – a video of her performance of “Time Lapse” at her Persona concert.
I had been singing this song with her on some of the concerts too, including this one (this fancam was taken from the Bangkok concert if I’m not wrong). After watching her video, I went to take a look at the english translation of the song lyrics and felt that it didn’t really convey what my own idea of time lapse was in relation to the circumstances of our relationship. So this motivated me to create my own version of “lyrics” for the song to express my interpretation of the term “time lapse” when it comes to our relationship.
Time lapse is an issue that we face in our relationship. To me, time lapse, or lapse of time, means the period of time that passes between one thing and another. It means the time delay that we experience when we try to communicate with each other through the universe. Especially at the start of our relationship, because of the lack of direct communication, there was no such thing as instant messaging or instant phone call in our world. Without the help of modern technology, how could I actually get my message across to Taenggu and receive her reply back instantly when I urgently needed her response and feedback? I could only rely on those voices in my head, which I believed came from spirits or energy from the universe, to help me convey my messages to her. Or to put it simply, we are communicating with each other through telepathy. But the hard truth is, the universe takes time to process each of our requests, one by one, before they could be realised for God-knows-how-long-later. Sometimes, our messages or requests might even get lost in the universe because they lack momentum to transform into a reality. (I learned about the energy of the universe and how it works from the book “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne) And the tricky part is, I don’t even know if my requests are granted already unless Taenggu tells me about it or I see / hear it for myself in videos of her. I used to be very impatient (even worse back then) when I failed to get my messages across to Taenggu quickly which caused me to feel emotionally unstable frequently.
What was the effect of time lapse on us? It was the valentines’ day and birthday wishes that I heard only months later when I was no longer expecting them. It was Taenggu’s voice saying “Forgive me” but I wasn’t sure which issue she was referring to anymore. It was me feeling happy at one moment when a voice said “Okay now I need you to be angry” which got me puzzled until later on I realised it was because Taenggu had a flight delay. It was when the voices said she was happy, I would be wondering why she was happy; when the voices said she was angry, I would be wondering why she was angry. It was when the thing she said to me didn’t mean the same thing to me anymore because I was thinking about other things. It was when I was enjoying my time and hoped to share this moment with her but she might only get to experience it with me with a playback of my memories some time later.
Fortunately, things have gotten much better between us now. After knowing that there aren’t actually any strict rules between us, I have since used other communication channels like Instagram, Twitter and blogs to communicate with her more directly and personally. Still, it could be a trouble for me to get and “feel” her replies to me in return. But I’ve learnt to be more patient now. Even though I face the aforementioned scenarios with her, I don’t feel really angry about it anymore because I am able to understand her situation better now. We are both learning and slowly adapting to each other.
I find it amusing that nowadays I would hear voices saying “Still processing!” or “Stop processing!” I guess it means Taenggu might have something to tell me but the universe was still processing her requests / messages. But I believe I will slowly get to hear what she wanted to say to me in the future time to come. Hopefully one day we won’t have these problems of communicating anymore. Ultimately, I wish to enjoy every moment at the same time and space with her. <3