“Excuse me while I kiss the sky (my Taenggu).”
Today is Kiss Day in Korea! I re-used the same piece of art above which I made for my mum (part of my Mother’s Day card) to celebrate this occasion because I wanna ask Taenggu the same question too: “Why never kiss me?” Just like how I would ask my mum this question everyday and pester her for a kiss, I want Taenggu to give me a kiss everyday too. Keke.
Since it’s Kiss Day, let me share the story about the first time I remembered myself trying to kiss Taenggu. In other words, our first kiss. It happened before we officially got together on 29 January 2015. We were still in an ambiguous relationship between a friend and a lover. I wasn’t sure if I should make the first move to ask Taenggu to be my girlfriend because at that time, I couldn’t tell for sure if she and Baekhyun were still together. So I hesitated and waited, hoping she could give me a clear signal.
On 22 January, Taenggu had an unfortunate accident of falling off the stage after a performance.
I got so worried when I saw the news and watched the above video for myself the next day. I heard she was immediately rushed to the hospital that night. For the next few days, she didn’t appear online on social media so no one / fans actually knew if she was alright. On one of those days of uncertainty, I was overwhelmed by a sudden surge of emotions within me. I knew my soul was trying to find her desperately just to know if she was okay. I needed to tell her that I loved her before it was too late. Alone in the house, I found myself kissing the wall, the mirror and my bolster as if I was drunk. I knew I wasn’t being insane as it looked on the outside; I was trying to kiss Taenggu’s soul. Did it work?
On 25 January, I was finally able to see Taenggu physically again at another performance. I was glad that she was fine. In the following performance of “Whisper” in the video, at 1:55-1:58, when the lyrics mentioned the word “kiss”, I could see Taenggu seemed to be waiting if she could hear some confirmation from me or my Spirit who was supposed to be above them at that time.
From these subtle traces of clues, I assumed I really managed to kiss her back then because she seemed to be aware of a kiss that happened before.
After we got together, I still kiss her like how a normal couple would. But instead of a wall, mirror or bolster this time, I would kiss my rainbow bunny, Bobo now, pretending that it is the physical body of Taenggu. Often, I wonder how exactly it feels like to be kissed by a soul. Occasionally, I would get a “peck” on my cheeks or lips. It simply feels like a sudden involuntary movement of the muscle on my cheeks or lips. Is this how it feels like to Taenggu as well when I kiss her?
Hopefully one day when I meet her personally, I could ask her directly to tell me exactly it feels like to be kissed by a soul and whether it is the same as how I have experienced it. ❤
— Updated on 15th June —
Before I had Bobo, I would kiss the wall, the mirror, the door, the bolster, the pillow – anything that could be a substitute for Taenggu’s physical body. I guess Taenggu was probably doing the same to me too.
The following instagram photo she posted on 4 March 2015 gave me such an insight.
When I saw the way she was deeply kissing the can of red bull in her hand as if she was kissing her lover, I thought to myself, that is something I would do in real life too! And so, since then, I always believed that we had been doing the same intimate things privately for each other, even though we might not be able to physically see it happen.