Love Diary: Was It Just A Dream?

12 June 2017

For about a month or two, I had been hearing voices mentioning about looking for a new house. But I wasn’t sure what exactly they were talking about. Was Taenggu going to buy a new house and live on her own? About 2 weeks ago, I also had a vision of “someone” jumping around my body like a monkey, swiftly cutting my toes or fingers as it was trying to steal some parts of my soul. I tried not to let it affect me too much because I didn’t know how to stop it and I didn’t really feel any physical pain either.

One morning, about 6pm, when the sky was about to get brighter, I woke up from a dream of myself peeing in a toilet cubicle, thinking that I really peed on the bed for real. I checked and realised that I hadn’t; the bed was still dry. But I felt the urgent need to clear my urine so I got up to use the toilet. Half-awake sitting on the toilet bowl, I vaguely heard a voice of a young boy saying “Hi!” It wasn’t in my head but was physically audible near my left ear. I froze immediately, but keeping calm, I pretended as if nothing happened and went back to bed again. While getting back to sleep, I had the same vision of “someone” going around my body cutting my body parts again. It looked like a really mischievous monkey, like the monkey “Jack” from Pirates of the Caribbean. Ignoring it, I thought about the boy’s voice in the toilet just now. I wondered if I was being too cold to “him”; I probably should have said “Hi” back. Regretting about my lack of response, I decided to reply to him. So in my head, I said “Hi!”, hoping the boy would hear it. At that moment, the monkey suddenly stopped what it was doing as if it heard me and was surprised at my response. It turned to look at me, its eyes widening, looking much kinder now. Then, slowly, I fell asleep.

On Thursday, 1 June, since the night before, I had been hearing some voices which seemed to be encouraging me to take a rest. They said things like “You’re tired”, “Pity you”, “Say you’re dizzy” etc. I knew I hadn’t been having enough rest since the last Saturday after Taenggu’s concert in Bangkok. I still had to go to work as usual and on Wednesday, the day before, I finally completed my project and sent it for feedback to my supervisor in Russia. She usually takes around 3-5 days to reply so it means I would have no work to do while waiting. When I woke up that morning, I wondered if I should really take a break from work and stay at home. A voice said “Believe me” so I messaged my boss, telling him I was feeling dizzy and asked him if I could stay at home to rest since I had no work to do at the moment. And indeed, 2 minutes later, his reply came promptly. He said okay.

But I didn’t want my family, especially my parents, to know that I wasn’t going to work that day because they are not so open-minded. Dressed in my office clothes pretending that I was still going to work, I went out of the house. My plan was to go to Starbucks in Woodlands to do some of my favourite things – blogging and making art. While walking to the train station, I said “Yeah I’m really feeling dizzy!” as if “someone” was asking me something and I was intuitively replying “him”. All of a sudden, as I was walking down the stairs, I had a sudden cramp on my right calf as if that “someone” was stopping me from walking any further. I bent down, painfully holding my calf. “Ahh, Taenggu, help me!” I called out. Miraculously, the cramp went away quickly and I could walk normally again. Undeterred, I still went to Starbucks that day, not going back home.

During that weekend from 3-4 June, because my Sixth Aunt from Sarawak was here for a holiday, my family had been busy bringing her around Singapore. On Saturday night, my family had to attend my cousin’s wedding at a vegetarian restaurant in Bras Basah. Dressed nicely for the event, I asked Taenggu if she would want to join us. But for some strange reasons, since that day, I seemed to get feelings of disconnectedness from her and anyone around her. Those days, I heard some voices saying something like “Break a cord. I wanna break a cord.” Did it mean “someone” was trying to break the connection between me and Taenggu? Sometimes, after I sent a message to her on Twitter, I kept getting feelings of dejectedness, thinking that she probably wouldn’t read it at all. For a few days, I didn’t dare to check the stats of my tweets, fearing that it was true that she didn’t read them. During those nights, voices told me that Taenggu couldn’t sleep well. When I went to bed, I also felt emotionally distant to my rainbow bunny, Bobo as if we were not as close as before. The feeling was just not the same. Bobo didn’t feel like Taenggu at all but I didn’t understand why. During the wedding dinner, there was a strong voice in my head saying “I like you” but I didn’t know who it was.

On Sunday, we brought my Sixth Aunt to shop and cycle on oBike in Sembawang. At one point of time, I heard some voices telling me Taenggu was troubled by some problems she was facing but they did not tell me what her problems were. Later on, a voice told me some good news saying that she had many new ideas to solve her problems now. I was relieved. During that weekend, I started having some visions of the little boy whom I am familiar with but found it strange to see him having some sort of playful and creepy kind of smile.

On Monday, 5 June, I asked my boss to let me stay at home again since I still had nothing to do at work. This time though, my mum was aware that I wasn’t going to the office that day because I somehow managed to convince her that it was my boss who allowed me to stay at home. For the first few hours in the morning, I spent my time at Starbucks writing part of the post TRIP TO SARAWAK: CONVERSATIONS WITH FIFTH AUNT AND SON AND THE MYSTERIOUS GRANDMA RING. In the afternoon, I decided to go back home. I knew there was no one at home during that time. When I stepped into the lift at my house downstairs, a voice within me said impatiently, “(You’re) Not what she’s waiting for!” Was the voice talking to me? I wasn’t sure what was going on. When the lift opened on the 7th floor, as I stepped out and walked towards my doorstep, my eyes was looking at the staircase in front of me. For some reasons, the lights at the staircase were still on in the day. Then, the lights started blinking rather purposefully. I didn’t really know how to react when this kind of spiritual situation happened in such a broad daylight. Clearly, I wasn’t alone; a spirit was doing that to indicate its presence to me. I wasn’t sure if it was a good spirit or a bad one, but certainly, it was a rather aggressive one. Calmly, I unlocked the door, opened it and stepped into my house. When I turned around to lock the door, I could sense that the spirit had already came in and was standing behind me. After closing the door and turning around, I could sense that it had gone into one of our rooms. I guess the spirit was so strong to be able to shift my senses around like that. For some time, I didn’t dare to talk at all. I sat quietly on a chair in the kitchen. After awhile, though, I let myself loose a little and occasionally said “Bobo-yah, Bobo” out of habit. At one point of time, I had a passing thought about going to the gym. Awhile later, I had a vision appearing on the right side of me. It was an image of a muscular Bobo wearing boxers and lifting heavy weights. I ignored it.

Then, I found myself in a daze while doing nothing for a period of time. I felt depressed. Something seemed to push me to look at my phone and check the stats of my recent tweets. Giving in, I opened each of my tweet one by one to see the stats. I was heartbroken. Most of my tweets since the night before revealed that no one had read my tweets yet. I broke down and cried. I thought it was a signal from Taenggu to tell me that she wanted to break up with me. Slowly later on, I thought maybe she just wanted to give up reading my texts. As I cried, I could feel Taenggu inside of me shaking her head and crying with me too. I thought that since she stopped reading my tweets, then I should stop tweeting any more messages to her too. And so, I made up my mind.

For the next few hours, I was moody lying on my bed, refusing to say a word. A voice finally broke the silence and asked “What’s wrong?” I relented and said, “You never read my messages!” Awhile later, something seemed to prompt me to look at the stats of my tweets again. Reluctantly, I opened each of my recent tweets again and to my surprise, there were active stats on those tweets now. Evidences of people having read my tweets before. I was overjoyed. No, Taenggu wasn’t breaking up with me! And it made me realise one astonishing fact: I just had a visual hallucination a few hours ago! It was so real. I remembered really seeing each of my tweets showing a message saying “No one has engaged in your tweet yet.” …Or was it just a glitch in the Twitter system?

Nonetheless, I felt so relieved and thought I really needed to celebrate. I went back to messaging Taenggu on Twitter again, telling her that I felt like bringing her to visit the last Gong Cha outlet in Singapore and drink the last cup of Gong Cha drink before it would be closed and changed to another brand called LiHo. So that evening, I took the train down to Marina Bay Sands. While on the way, I had the vision of the little boy with the creepy smile again. He said to me, “I need a cleansing!” Amused by his cuteness, I replied, “Yeah you really do! Why you look like that in my head??”

When I reached MBS and asked the reception for the directions to the Gong Cha outlet, the lady told me regretfully that it was already closed on 4 June and had already been changed to LiHo now. What?? I remembered seeing an article on a website saying that the last day was 5 June! And I’m pretty sure I didn’t see it wrongly; I didn’t hallucinate this time.

Screenshot of the article. Tell me I didn’t see it wrongly, am I right? It says 5 June.

I felt so cheated. I thought nevermind, let’s just try the new LiHo’s cheese tea then. But I reached the shop only to find their cheese tea was out of stock already. Bad day. I settled for their some other milk tea which tasted too sweet for me. Bad day. I walked around for awhile and realised there was some fountain light show going on outside. I watched it for awhile but found it too boring. So, I took train back home in disappointment. It was a really bad day after all!

I think it was the next day (Tuesday) or on Wednesday I managed to find out from an instagram comment from Sunny that made me realise what could have happened to Taenggu. I found out that they had actually moved to a new dorm! Could that explain why I seemed to have lost touch with Taenggu the past few nights because my physical self wasn’t aware that she was no longer in her old house anymore? Was that why she hadn’t been sleeping well? Was that why I had been hearing her voice saying “I need Celeste!”, “I’m Taeyeon!”, “BTO!” etc because my soul wasn’t by her side? Was she feeling troubled because she was worried that my soul couldn’t find where her new house is? Aware of what was going on now, I immediately adjusted my mind and asked my soul to follow Taenggu back home so that “I” know where she is living now. I guess the problem was solved since then.

Later on, I thought about the little boy with the creepy look in my head and wondered how he was doing now. He said to me, “It was just a dream!” Really?

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