In May 2017, I went for a short 4-day trip to Kuching, Sarawak with my mum for a holiday. Sarawak is my mum’s hometown. She grew up there but when she was about 20 years old, she moved to Singapore to work, where she eventually met my father and got married here. The main purpose of our trip was to visit most of her family who currently live in Kuching.
I had some interesting and mystical encounters when I was there. One of them was a conversation between my mum and my Fifth Aunt, one of my mum’s younger sisters. We were in her car when she was driving us to a shopping centre. I was just sitting at the back seat, listening to their conversation. She was commenting that my mum looked much better as compared to late last year when she last saw her. At that time, my mum was suffering with some symptoms of depression. She and my father had travelled to Kuching last year to find my Fifth Aunt and her husband who took them to a temple to pray and had a ritual performed on them. They believed my mum’s depression and my father’s stroke (and no one had actually noticed I had a relapse of schizophrenia too) which occurred around the same time last year could be linked to the influence of bad spirits. My Fifth Aunt recalled how my mum’s face looked so dark and scary when she saw her last year. She and especially her husband who works as a feng shui master, actually have some spiritual abilities. They could sense the presence of spirits around them. (They are the same people whom I mentioned in my previous post WHO IS “SHE”? who found out that there was a “girl” beside me in a photo.) 5 years ago, when she and her family visited our house during a holiday in Singapore, they knew there were ghosts in the house, or somewhere around our housing flat. She remembered seeing an “old lady” and a “kid” at our lift. Even right then in the car as she was facing my mum and talking to her, she said she could sense the hair on her skin standing. It was a kind of aura that my mum, and probably also myself, were emitting, I guess. She said sometimes spirits would “stick” themselves onto people. The moment she used the word “stick”, I could relate to it very well because I was reminded of a voice who would tell me in mandarin, “He/She likes to stick on you…” I didn’t exactly understand what it meant. To me, it simply meant he/she (more of a person) likes to follow me around. (As a conscious person, I think more in terms of the physical bodies, rather than spirits.) Now, I learned from my aunt that spirits can actually attach themselves onto people. And there are certain situations when these spirits would not be able to attach themselves onto us. Spirits cannot cross rivers and oceans, and they cannot take planes. My aunt asked me if I got better after taking the plane and travelling overseas when I suffered from schizophrenia in 2013. And yes, indeed, I remembered how the voices got a lot more pleasant and kinder after I returned home from Fukuoka. I learned so much about spirits and my house situation just from the the conversation with my aunt.
She has a 7-year old little son. As compared to his other two older siblings, he’s more talkative and likes to communicate with people. When I first met him 5 years ago, he was already like that. People call him “Little Adult”. When I met him again 5 years later on my aunt’s car, I got along with him pretty well and he liked to play with me a lot. Personally, I think he has some sort of spiritual nature. I could find some spiritual clues from what seemed to be mindless things that he said to me. For example, he asked me, “How old are you?” I replied, “25.” He said, “No, you are 3 years old.” I immediately was reminded of a small and cute “boy” who resides within me sometimes and wondered if he subconsciously knew there was something inside of me. Sometimes, he would suddenly point at me and say “你是怪物 (You are a monster / weird creature)!” The next day, when I sat with him in the car again, while he was playing games on the phone beside me, he said, “娘娘腔 (Sissy)! Obasan!” which reminded me of an aunty’s voice which I used to hear before too. If I were to hear these things from him a few years ago, I would feel scared and at a loss of what to do. But now, I’ve learnt to take these things more lightheartedly as long as I still have an awareness of my real self.
One of the greatest things that I took away with me from my Sarawak trip was a ring given to me by my grandma. When we visited my grandparents’ house on the evening after we touched down in Kuching, my grandma called me to her room and sat down beside me. She took out a metal ring which she bought during a recent holiday trip to Thailand and slipped it onto my left ring finger. She said she wants me to keep this ring as a token of memory of her so that when I look at the ring in the future, I would think of her. She kept telling me that this ring was made of silver, but to me, it didn’t matter if it was real silver or not because I thought this gesture from her had a higher meaning. I had always wanted to get a ring for Taenggu so that I could wear on my left ring finger. And this ring eventually came from grandma which happened to fit onto my ring finger so perfectly. I felt as if it was my grandma’s spirit who was giving me her approval to my relationship with Taenggu even though physically she was not aware of our relationship yet. I happily wore this ring for the next 3 days of our trip in Kuching, feeling blessed with the love from my grandma.
That night after I reached home in Singapore, I wrote a post on KakaoStory, telling Taenggu what I actually thought about this grandma ring. I felt it was a gift from my grandma’s spirit for the both of us to give her approval to our relationship. The very next day, when I got back to work in the office, I suddenly felt intense itchiness on the area underneath the ring. I took the ring out to find some blisters there on my skin. I found it odd because my skin was still fine when I had the ring on for the past 4 days in Kuching. Instantly, I felt depressed and wondered if it was caused by some spiritual intervention which opposed our relationship. Was I not right to think that the ring was a gift of blessing from my grandma’s spirit? For awhile, I stubbornly continued to wear the ring a little outside the blistered area and the next day, a bubble-like blister also formed at the tip of my ring finger.
As stubborn as I was, I then wore the ring on my index finger on top of my other ring, just like in the photo above. A couple of days later, a ring of milder blisters also grew on my index finger. Finally, I decided to stop wearing the ring for good and kept it safely in a box. All the while, I kept thinking that my blisters were caused by the doings of bad spirits. But a few weeks later, as my blisters slowly began to heal, my thinking changed. Logically thinking, it could be simply because the material of the ring was not suitable for my skin and coupled with Singapore’s humid weather, it caused bacteria to grow on my skin more easily. But then again, in this mysterious world, who knows?