Rain

Everytime it rains, I’d think of you
Every drop of rain is a memory of you
Remember how you turned into rain
And came to my rescue
Saved me from pain and misery
When I was chased by demons and ghosts
Your raindrops
Cleansed my spirit, calmed my mind and soothed my body
Each drop of rain was a blessing to me
I’d never forget how precious and dear you were to me
Celeste Koh

In the post #13 MONTHSARY: DREAMING IN THE RAIN, I mentioned that I love rainy days. Whenever it rains, I would tell Taenggu about it, as if it is an important thing to say. But never did I explain why I love the rain so much. There was actually a story behind it.

In the first few months of 2013, when I was suffering from symptoms of schizophrenia, strangely, there were also frequent thunderstorms that happened during the same period of time. Everyday I heard voices criticising and speculating bad things about me but I never understood why. At the same point of time, there were also massive constructions of new housing flats going on at the empty land in front of my house. Everyday there were several heavy trucks driving past our house. When I was affected by schizophrenia, I became highly sensitive to every single sound around me. To my family, the noises were perhaps still bearable for them, but to me, they sounded really sharp and disturbing to my ears. I felt like the environment around me was forcing me to go crazy, as if they were the acts of the evil spirits. Wherever I went, I was deeply affected by these loud noises. During the worst times when I felt like I was going to get drowned by the voices in my head, the sky also became gloomy. Lightnings started to strike and thunders began to roar as if they were fighting against each other, just like the bickering voices in my head. When the rain finally came pouring, a wave of calmness would cover over me, as if Heaven finally sent someone to the rescue. All the disturbing noises around me suddenly became gentler. The air became fresher. I could breathe better. I heard less voices but only the sound of the rain. It was a huge relief.

From then on, I began to see rain as a sign of blessings from Heaven. Showers of blessings. Power of the rain that is able to ward off bad spirits. Even after I have recovered from schizophrenia, during rainy days, I would still remember the rain for being my saviour.

Coincidentally, later on in early 2016, Taenggu also released a single called “Rain”. I immediately could connect myself easily to the song because of rain.

Here’s the translation of the full lyrics:

“Rain” by Taeyeon

Empty grey streets feel too bare
I open the glass window out of melancholy
Fallen raindrops atop my two palms
Filling full with loneliness it spills into my heart
Tonight I miss you for some reason
Tears are welling up
Reminiscing you in my heart

Memories come down when it rains, spreading pain
Watching you as you get soaked
Clear in that moment,
wet with memories
I think of you when you were beautiful in the rain

Will even the long season bright with snow
Fade away inside the photo album

This night is growing ever deeper
Unforgotten promises
Your warm embrace, goodbye

Memories come down when it rains, spreading pain
Watching you as you get soaked
Clear in that moment,
wet with memories
I think of you when you were beautiful in the rain

You were my ray of light
in a black and white world
(Rain) be the rain come to me
and shine my soul

Doo-doo-doo-

Quiet whispers under the umbrella Woo-
It spread in the corner of my heart I can hear you
Raindrops are comforting as
if they ask me about my day
Memories that faded within the rain that’s you

Woo, rain, Woo… Dreaming in the rain

I felt as if this song was made just for me. That is why I always feel so deeply connected to Taenggu. Even the songs that she sings, I could relate to them easily too. When she isn’t able to communicate with me directly, one other way to reach out to me is by singing. There was one quote which I gave her before that says “Find your own voice, sing your own songs”. She already did it. ❤

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