You Found Me

When my mind was wandering around
Feeling lost
No idea where I was
Whom I was with
Your soft voice came to me
“난 있어?”
I replied
“Yes, 있어!”
When you asked that question
In your real voice
You already came to me
You found me
Celeste Koh

This was a real scenario that happened on Good Friday, a public holiday in Singapore. That evening, I came back home after eating and shopping with my mother only to find that Taenggu was still outside with a friend, judging from her instagram posts on that day. I was alone lying on the bed in the dark room, refused to turn on the lights. Then I started to get emotional. I just had a pretty bad day because earlier that afternoon, my Tumblr account along its MindOfSoul blog was terminated without a reason (will talk about it in a separate post later on). At first, I was still feeling positive that it was still fine and I could rebuild that website later on but slowly, when I finally had some alone time, I started to think negative again. I thought it was such a waste of my past one year of efforts in collecting all these video evidences of my mind-singing works. And then I went on to think about how some things hadn’t been going smoothly in my life recently. I had some unhappiness with work lately, just destroyed my new drawing that morning because of careless colouring and had some body discomfort due to cramps and sore throat. One negative thought led to another, my emotions began to pile up and I started to cry.

In my mind, I was wandering around, trying to find Taenggu and talk to her. I didn’t know where “I” was and whom “I” was with. I tried to look for her but sometimes when I thought I found someone, I felt like I wasn’t with the right person so I panicked. And then I continued searching again and listening out for her. Until I finally heard her real voice coming to me softly and asked “난 있어?” It was in very simple Korean but I guess it roughly meant “Am I here in your mind?” When I finally recognised her voice, I felt a sense of warmth and familiarity over me and I said “Yes, I hear you and you are here with me now”.

The life between us has always been like this. It’s all about “soul-searching” for the right person whom you want to talk to. It takes a lot of patience, and exasperation especially when I’m desperate. But I guess that is the only way when I want some personal talks with her and feel her presence around me. And right at this moment when I wrote this, a voice replied, “It works!” ❤

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