4 April 2017
It’s been about 2 weeks since I last written a love diary. I shall start recalling my memories from yesterday (Monday).
Yesterday morning, when I was about to leave my house to go to work, I could feel myself getting kinda whiny and energy-less when I talked to Taenggu. But I was confused over whether it was because of her mood or my own mood because honestly, I was still feeling a little angry about what happened the night before when things did not happen at the right time between us. I also felt like whining to her because of this. But if it was because of her mood, I didn’t understand why she was feeling this way either. It was Monday and I originally planned to go to the gym. But I thought for awhile and decided that I probably should go for a swim instead. I had stopped swimming on Mondays for the past 3 weeks because I had my period and also fell sick for the next couple of weeks. Now that I had recovered, I thought I should resume my swimming routine with Taenggu. So I messaged her telling her I was thinking of going for a swim later that night and asked if she wanted to come with me. But somehow I noticed that after I left that message, there wasn’t seem to be any definite response from her. It wasn’t like the previous times when I would feel some positive energy or excitement from her when I told her I would be bringing her for a swim. The feeling this time was rather empty but I didn’t understand why. When I got off from work that day, I got the same whiny and sad expression from her again. But I still didn’t understand why.
When I got home, I felt kinda reluctant to go out for a swim. I guess I somehow knew she wasn’t really keen on going for a swim with me that day but I wasn’t sure if it was really true. I told her I would take a rest first until 7pm before going out again for the swim. While I was on my bed, taking my time to laze around, she updated her Instagram with the following photo and also left a comment.
At that time, because the translations were not out yet, I didn’t understand what her caption and comment were saying. About 7pm, I decided to go ahead with the plan just to fulfil my promise to swim with her. During the swim, I felt less energetic than last time and I got tired easily. I also panicked easily when I swam in the water, causing me to stop in the middle of each lap. I ended our swim earlier than I wanted and went for a shower. I noticed I got startled easily by loud sounds and had the sensation as if there was someone from the back looking at me when I was in the shower. I also felt restless and disturbed by the water which was splashing hard on my face from the shower head. I guess I wasn’t in a stable mental state at that time so I quickly finished and hurried home.
Back home, while resting, I saw the translations of Taenggu’s Instagram caption and comment already came out. I read them and finally understood why she was feeling like that in my mind!
It turned out she was feeling drowsy and energy-less the whole day. She said she wanted to take a nap first before the teaser of “Make Me Love You” would come out at 11pm SGT (12am KST). I immediately regretted my decision on going for the swim. I should have followed my intuition. I should have stayed at home to take care of her while she slept. I guess she must have felt the same like how I felt on Sunday after I came back home from Coldplay’s concert on Saturday night. I was so tired that I practically slept at home the whole Sunday afternoon. I think I used up most of my energy at the concert already. She was probably feeling the same kind of drowsiness I had. I had no idea why she was feeling this way but I was guessing that she might have fallen sick. So I immediately stayed by her side and took care of her as she was sleeping. At around 10.30pm SGT, she cutely left a comment on Instagram, saying that she had already woken up.
This morning, I got the same vibes from her again, that whiny and energy-less feeling. I didn’t know how to describe that expression she had when she was inside of me until Sunny posted the following photo on Instagram that gave me an idea.
I realised Gudetama would be the best character to describe how Taenggu’s expression looked like! That lazy vibes like Gudetama’s. It was funny because whenever she was “whining” to me, I didn’t understand why and what happened to her so I ended up getting affected by her mood too. So, when I got the same whiny expression again on my face and feeling lazy, I would make fun of her and ask her, “Are you Gudetama?” Hahaha. But jokes aside, I was also worried about her. While I still had to go to work, I asked her to take a good rest if she was still feeling tired.
In the evening, I went for a jog at the Woodlands stadium. Before that, I was a little hesitant about going for the run. I wondered if I should stay at home to take care of her just in case she was still not feeling well. In the end, I decided to go ahead and told her I was going to exercise for both of our health because I knew she actually did the same for me when I was sick.
While running around the track, I was reminded of the mind images I had during my last run here about 2 weeks ago. At that time, I brought my mum and my aunt from Sarawak who was here for a holiday, to exercise at the stadium near our house. While I was running alone, I saw Taenggu who was wearing a grey tracksuit and running in front of me. She turned and smiled at me, signalling to me to come towards her to encourage me to keep running. At one point of time, I told her I couldn’t run anymore and started walking. She just smiled and continued running in front of me. It was one of the most vivid imagination (or you could say hallucination) that I ever had. After that, I messaged her to tell her what I saw and thanked her for “running” with me.
Today, I ran 3 rounds and walked 1 round around the track. It was good enough for me so I left and went to buy some groceries from the supermarkets for my mother. By the time I reached home, I managed to clock in 10,444 steps on my fitness watch. It was such a unique number, wasn’t it?
My day then ended sweetly with a voice saying “Thank you for exercising for me!” <3