The snippets from the following video are taken from 161231 MBC Gayo Daejun and 170119 Seoul Music Awards.
This video post is in response to my earlier blog post LOVE DIARY: SHE TAKES CARE OF ME. I mentioned that I can’t physically see and know how Taenggu takes care of me in her daily life. Especially when my body is not feeling well, my mind may receive some negative images or hear bad voices from her. It’s like I am blindfolded to the good things she does for me. How do I still believe that she actually takes care of me well behind the scenes?
The first part of the video (0:00-0:46) was taken from MBC Gayo Daejun 2016. That day was the last day of the year 2016. Before the show, I told Taenggu that I hoped I could be there with her to countdown to the new year together. If I didn’t remember wrongly, this part was recorded a few minutes before the countdown. When I saw her appearing on the screen doing that action of touching the right side of her cheeks lightly, I instantly had a warm familiar feeling inside of me because it was something that I would do to her in my daily life too. Sometimes, I would hold and touch the left side of my own cheeks just to feel and comfort her when I feel tired and miss her. I always regard Taenggu as my left and me as her right. From how I see her facial expressions in this first part of the video, I think that she was trying to feel and connect to me. It’s like she was trying to call me back to her side because probably it was about time to countdown to the new year soon. Honestly, I didn’t know where my soul was or whether it was with her at that time but I only remembered I was feeling lonely watching her through the live stream on my laptop at home. At least I felt slightly comforted to see this on my screen to know she was thinking of me too, I guess.
The second part was taken from Seoul Music Awards 2017. A few days before the awards show, I started falling sick with flu and giddiness. It went on for many days. On the day of the show, I was still recovering. I was so anxious to see her appearing on the show so that I could see how she had been doing. I watched the live stream halfway and had to go downstairs to have dinner with my family. I was feeling uneasy the whole time and kept checking for new updates on my phone every few minutes. I remembered telling her that I couldn’t help shaking my legs non-stop because I was subconsciously feeling very anxious inside. So when she finally came out onscreen and did the action of gently patting her thighs with her hands, I could understand that she was trying to comfort and calm me down too.
She looked a little different on that day. Her face was slightly bloated.
I knew her body was not feeling well. She must have been affected by me too. But it makes me smile too, to know that we are really connected to each other inside out. Whenever one of us is not feeling well, the other would not feel good too.
I remember leaving her a message telling her that she looked so cute and chubby, I felt like pinching her cheeks.. 어떻게! Hahaha.
It was a kind of bittersweet.
Till today, I still remember these 2 scenes in my mind vividly. So whenever I see negative images or hear bad voices, I would tell myself that it isn’t the real her. The real her takes care of me silently during bad times. <3