“Hold fast to whatever fragments of love that exist, for sometimes a mosaic is more beautiful than an unbroken pattern.”
One month after my heartbreaking trip to Seoul, it was our first year of anniversary together. I decided to hold on to our relationship, even though it might be a difficult road ahead. It was the last Friday of my freedom as a jobless person before I officially started working full-time as a professional. On this day, I brought Taenggu to an art-jamming studio called Arteastiq to paint. In reality, she was in Bangkok at that time for a rehearsal for Girls’ Generation’s “Phantasia” concert.
I seldom paint. The last time I painted was probably during my art classes in primary school. That was more than 10 years ago. But I wanted to paint again because I know Taenggu likes to paint. She is also known to her fans as “Painter Taeng” or “Artist Taeng”. I wanted the both of us to do a painting together. I did this picture because it was simple to paint for a beginner like me. And it’s my style of art too, to fill something up with several colourful bits and pieces to form a bigger picture.
Back then, I didn’t have any idea what this painting actually meant to me. I simply found it very therapeutic and fascinating to stare at it for a long time after I brought the finished painting home. I liked how random the different coloured brush strokes that filled up the heart shape were.
One year later, I looked at the same painting and tried to interpret it again. I decided to name it “Mosaic Love”. The above quote gave me a lot of enlightenment. The love between us has been exactly like a mosaic. When our love is not easily seen and heard to others and even to ourselves sometimes, it really depends on us to grab hold of any fragments of love that each of us could find. For me, especially in the earlier days, I had to watch fancams everyday to read Taenggu’s facial expressions to give me some hints on how she might be feeling towards our relationship. Later on, when things got even harder, I even tried to read her expressions from fan-taken photos and any other tell-tale signs from her social media. These fragments of love are all out there dispersed in the universe. We just have to search for them and piece all the tiny pieces together. These fragments are the evidence to the existence of our love. It isn’t easy. Sometimes, when I couldn’t see any new signs, I would get depressed and start to question if our love really does exist. In times like this, I would have to go back and re-examine all the past signs again to remind myself. Yes, you can call me a scientist. I’m still hunting for evidence of our love. And I will keep searching and putting every broken piece together. Till our love puzzle is solved.
Anniversary flower for the year: